Best Laid Schemes
by Alcyone23
Summary: Naruto has a brilliant idea for quick money. Unfortunately for him and his on-off boyfriend, even the best laid schemes tend to go awry. AU Naruto/Sasuke
1. Best Laid Schemes

**Author's Notes:** Yes, I'm a masochist. Still 75 one-shots short on 100 Situations and I'm starting a new story. But this plot bunny would not leave me alone. I blame the music!meme on LJ, Fall Out Boy and the "Gangsa Shit" fanart by Samurai Pet on deviantart.

Of course, much love and thanks to my betas, Dark Hope Assassin and The Sometimes Hatter. If this doesn't have you curling into a little ball at the state of the English language, it's mostly thanks to them.

* * *

_We might've said our goodbyes just a little soon  
Robbing lips and kissing banks under this moon  
Whoa oh, we're so miserable and stunning  
Whoa oh, love songs for the genuine and cunning  
-"The Carpal Tunnel of Love", Fall Out Boy_

_

* * *

_

**Best Laid Schemes**  
_Alcyone23_

* * *

Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke were screwed up.

Alone, they didn't make sense. Together, they were chaos. Completely opposite in a way that just clashed. The first constantly wore bright orange; the second was rarely seen in anything outside of black and white. The blond was loud and boisterous; the brunet was quiet and aloof. Naruto was always laughing and grinning; Sasuke's changes of expression could only be seen with a microscope.

But there was no doubt the two were now the greatest thieves in present-day.

"How much?" Naruto asked, twiddling the car's wheel. He had been asking every five minutes for the past hour.

Instead of huffing and hitting the other man as he had before, Sasuke smirked. "How much do you think?"

Naruto scrunched his forehead, lips pouting adorably. "Ten million?"

Sasuke's smirk widened. "More."

"Twenty."

"More."

"Thirty."

"More."

"More?"

"Hn."

"Fifty?"

"53.7."

The smile that spread across Naruto's face was absolutely gleeful. He whooped, completely ignoring the car as he grabbed Sasuke's head, pressing their lips together.

oOo

Naruto met Sasuke when he was twelve. It proved a moment neither one would forget (although Sasuke desperately wished he could). For a school assignment, the two boys had been forced to pair up. The volcano they were supposed to be constructing never got anywhere, although Naruto made a good impression of one when he blew his top. Finally fed up with the "arrogant, antisocial bastard Uchiha," Naruto punched him.

Unfortunately for him, Sasuke had taken several self-defense classes and quickly reciprocated with an expert blow to his gut. The ensuing brawl required five classmates, two teachers and much swearing to break up. While in the Nurse's office, Naruto tried to shove a pencil up Sasuke's nostril and Sasuke tried to smother Naruto with a pillow.

By the time the final bell rolled around, both boys were bruised almost beyond recognition. Naruto had a split lip, which had quickly swollen to twice its normal size. Sasuke had an admirable black circle rising around one eye. Naruto could barely close one fist as he had managed to sprain his knuckles (something he had no idea how he managed to do) while Sasuke limped slightly, favoring his left leg after a bad fall twisted his ankle under him. Both were covered in numerous small cuts and were glaring bloody murder at each other.

They were suspended for two days and had detention every day for three months.

The day they returned to school, Naruto hounded Sasuke. The dark-haired boy did everything he could to avoid him, but the blond seemed to have a sixth sense for Sasuke's location.

A second fight ensued. This time, however, they stopped before intervention was necessary, mostly due to their still healing wounds. The two boys glared at each other for a long moment before walking away.

The next day, Naruto and Sasuke sat next to each other in the classroom. They had been inseparable since. Their relationship, however, was never much like a typical friendship. They disagreed on almost everything and fought every day. Sometimes, it escalated to scuffles, but they weren't above tearing at each other with words. Naruto constantly called Sasuke out on how frigid and arrogant he could be while Sasuke seemed to delight in questioning Naruto's intelligence, or lack thereof. Both knew exactly which buttons to push to cause maximum hurt—and which ones to soothe and comfort.

Neither Sasuke nor Naruto had a family. Both were wards of the state, Naruto orphaned when he was an infant, Sasuke when he was seven. Each retained only a couple of things to remind them of their family. The blond treasured a ratty toad wallet he'd affectionately named Gama-chan and a yellowing, almost faded piece of paper where his father had written a poem by Robert Frost. The raven-haired boy never let go of a worn sash with the Uchiha family symbol and wore a necklace that had belonged to his brother. They never spoke of their past—it hurt too much to even address with themselves—but they recognized the common loneliness in one another's eyes.

It came as no surprise to those who knew them when they began living together.

They were not an official couple by any means. Sasuke made a noncommittal grunt when asked and turned away while Naruto just laughed and scratched the back of his neck, a rising blush staining his face. Neither were they public with their affection, unless you knew what to search for: Naruto's small touches, the genuine twist to Sasuke's smile, how both boys were always keenly aware of the other's location.

Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke may not have been the stereotype for love or, hell, even a healthy relationship, but there was no question the one completed the other.

And it was beyond any doubt that they would do anything to protect the other. Therefore, when Sasuke finally hit an economic low after years of fighting against his brother in court to inherit his family's estate, Naruto was there to provide the perfect solution.

oOo

"Are you on drugs?"

"Hmm?" Naruto turned to look at the black-haired man beside him, chopsticks dangling from his mouth.

"You're doing _something_." Sasuke grabbed Naruto's chin, peering into his face as if looking for evidence of illegal substances.

Naruto wrenched his head away with a huff. "Honestly Sasuke. Like you've never considered doing something illegal before."

Well, he probably hadn't, Naruto mused. Sasuke could be quite the prissy goody-two-shoes when he wanted to be.

Sasuke, trying to decipher how far the other's insanity spread, cocked an eyebrow. "And how did you expect us to pull this off?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "_Your _brother is some big shot guard, investigator, whatever, right? So you know all about the security and how to evade it. And a few of my friends owe me big-time so it's time to call those in."

"Assuming your idea makes any sort of sense," Sasuke massaged his temples, "what would we be stealing?"

"Just a couple million," Naruto answered brightly. "Just enough to cover our debts and have enough left over to move somewhere else."

Naruto knew Sasuke was interested. Otherwise, he would not be continuing the conversation. The youngest Uchiha dismissed and ignored everything he didn't care for. Naruto knew this from experience. Jerking away from his memories of when he and Sasuke first met—and the bruises, cuts and headaches that followed—he found Sasuke's dark stare pinning him to a wall.

"And how do you expect us to do that?"

"Ame First Bank." Naruto stuck his chopsticks in his ramen, inhaling the food. It was only years of knowing the blond that allowed Sasuke to notice the faint tightening of blue eyes and the narrowing of displeasure in the ever-present grin. "I've got a contact on the inside. We can hit the bank, empty the vault and get out. Easy."

"Naruto, you're an idiot."

Success! If the brunet was attacking his intelligence, that meant he did not disagree with Naruto's argument—or, at least, didn't care to disagree. The twenty-year-old in question laid his ramen aside, sauntering to his feet.

"But I'm _your_ idiot." He smirked and stuck his tongue inside the other's mouth.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but did not complain.

When he finally managed to extricate himself from Naruto's grasp, Sasuke ran a hand through his hair. "I haven't agreed to this yet," he warned, attempting to stop Naruto's paroxysms of glee before they began.

"Yet," Naruto repeated cheerfully. The brunet rolled his eyes again.

"First, I want to know who we're dealing with." Sasuke kept a restraining hand on Naruto who looked about to jump him. "The plan needs to be foolproof. I get final approval of anything. And no action is taken without my say-so."

Naruto nodded too fast.

"You're not paying attention to me at all," Sasuke observed.

"Yes, I am." Naruto's hands began tugging insistently at the other man's belt.

Sasuke gave him a withering glare. Had the blond not been immune to the Uchiha glare after years of constant exposure, his libido would have suffered a very premature death. As it was, Naruto only shrugged and tried to leer convincingly. Sasuke snorted and turned away.

"Oy!" Naruto yelled indignantly. "Don't turn your back on me!" Even if the view was nice. "I am talking to you! Uchiha!"

Desperate times call for the big guns and little Naruto was crying out desperately for attention. Naruto jumped Sasuke, prompting a curse from the brunet, both men crashing against a table and Sasuke genuinely attempting to throttle Naruto. The other man quickly channeled his lover's anger into other, less bodily threatening pastimes.

oOo

Naruto's "contact" proved to be an older man with a wild appearance. Sasuke was vaguely terrified of the man's shock of white hair and promptly kicked himself mentally at the thought.

"What the hell are you doing here, brat?" The man had bellowed the moment he saw the two men on his doorstep.

"Geez, when were you planning to open the door? Were you perving off again?" Naruto frowned at him, his eyes squinting.

The man rolled his eyes, a look of long-suffering gracing his face. He turned to Sasuke. "Who are you?"

"Uchiha Sasuke," Sasuke politely introduced himself. He had long ago learned to make up for Naruto's absolute lack of manners.

"Uchiha, huh?" The man looked him up and down.

"Stop checking him out, ero-sensei." Naruto crossed his arms before his chest. Sasuke choked. The man rounded on Naruto.

"Checking him out?" he spluttered. "Only you'd be interested in that."

Sasuke felt a vein beginning to pound at his temple.

"What?! You think Sasuke's not good enough for you or something? Sasuke, strip!"

"I am not stripping, dobe!" Sasuke hissed.

At the same time, the older man had thrown his hands in front of his face. "You idiot!" he yelled. "I meant that you're the only one here interested in males! I do not need to see that!"

"Yeah, yeah." Naruto waved his hand condescendingly. The man looked two seconds away from homicide. Sasuke considered helping him. "Anyway, ero-sensei, this is Sasuke. Sasuke, this is Jiraiya."

"Sensei?"

Jiraiya grinned. "This one's dad was my apprentice. Started teaching him too so he could take ov—"

"Yeah, yeah, enough with the chatting." Naruto waved his hand again. Sasuke noticed a brief tightening of the lines around his eyes and mouth. Jiraiya apparently noticed too because he cleared his throat.

"Well, what do you want? You haven't come to see me in years and I doubt you're here now because you missed me."

Naruto smirked. "Now, old man, would I honestly show up just because I wanted something from you?"

Sasuke snorted. Jiraiya nodded to him. "Seems your little boyfriend knows you well."

Sasuke immediately frowned while Naruto stuttered, face flaming.

Jiraiya seemed to find their reaction hysterical as he bent over in a fit of laughter. "Oh, aren't you two adorable?" He wiped a stray tear from his eyes. The two younger men scowled at him.

"If you've finished laughing at us," Naruto sniffed, "we need money."

"You're not getting a cent from me." Jiraiya reacted so fast Sasuke bet the man had already known what Naruto was going to ask.

The blond rolled his eyes. "I know; I know. You've spent it all on women and alcohol."

Jiraiya waved them toward a plain brown door. Inside, Sasuke observed the smooth, paneled walls, long stacks of books and large oval table. Every available surface was draped with papers and books. Most looked of a pornographic nature.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. Naruto shrugged. "He's a famous author."

"Surely you've heard of the _Come, Come_ series?" Jiraiya leered.

Sasuke had. Even he who refused to even touch anything less than a classic had heard of the infamous novels.

"An old friend was constantly reading them," he said, remembering his cousin's friend. He hadn't seen the eccentric man in years and distantly recalled him saying Sasuke could approach him if he ever needed help.

Jiraiya sat in one of the chairs strewn haphazardly around the table and motioned for the other two to sit. Once they were comfortable, Jiraiya trained his dark eyes on his alleged student.

"What is it you really want, Naruto?" he asked without preamble.

"Ame." Naruto leaned back on the chair's legs, one elbow propped over the back of the seat. "I need a way to break into Ame and empty their vault."

Jiraiya shook his head. "And what do you hope to achieve, brat? Minato's dead."

"I know that," Naruto responded sharply. "But we happen to need money and legal means will get us nowhere."

"Then rob a casino. Tsunade would help you."

"Ame," Naruto repeated and there was no denying the icy blue color his eyes adopted. His voice, however, remained obnoxiously cheerful. "You can get us the date of the next cash drop. And they always carry a large bulk of money. We can get all we need in one hit."

Jiraiya glanced at Sasuke and sighed. For his part, Sasuke felt out of the loop. Why the fixation with Ame? Who was Minato? What had this old man taught Naruto? Or had started to, Sasuke corrected himself.

As he was debating, Jiraiya had leaned back, observing the ceiling. "All right," he said, lowering his gaze to meet Naruto's. "Provided I get a fifteen percent cut."

"Five," Naruto haggled.

"Fifteen."

"Oh, come on, ero-sensei, for your favorite student? Please? Five?"

"Fifteen."

"Five percent's going to be big enough."

"Then fifteen will be even better."

"Ten," Sasuke interrupted. "And a promise that we were never here."

Jiraiya smirked. "Kid, I've got an airtight alibi. But fine, I'll take it. I'll be in touch. Now get out of my house."

oOo

"Who's Minato?"

Naruto stilled at Sasuke's question. He tried to shrug it off, laughing nervously. "Why do you ask?"

Sasuke peeled back the covers, climbing into their bed. "Jiraiya mentioned him. Said he died."

Biting his lower lip, Naruto clambered in after him. "So?"

"So who is he?" Sasuke controlled the urge to roll his eyes.

"Someone who died."

Sasuke froze, turning to examine the man beside him. He had never heard that tone from Naruto before. Tired, with the heat of pain and the sharpness of anger.

Naruto turned to his side, away from Sasuke. If the brunet was shocked that Naruto hadn't tried to jump him, his next words floored him. "Good night, Sasuke."

It took Sasuke hours to fall asleep. Despite Naruto's silence, he knew the blond couldn't reconcile slumber either.

oOo

Naruto kept bouncing in his seat. Sasuke was about to pull over and force him out of the car to drive over him. Then put the car in reverse.

"Will you relax?" hissed Sasuke.

"Oh come on, bastard, you can't say you're not excited to meet our teammates." If Naruto's grin were any bigger it would be blinding.

"Hn."

Jiraiya had contacted them the night before. He had found two people to help them and had given them an address where they could meet and speak privately.

The address proved to be a strip club.

Sasuke really wanted to kill the old man.

The establishment was sufficiently big to avoid suspicion, but small enough that it passed almost unperceived. Pulling up to the front, Sasuke was greeted by a valet service. Naruto almost had to rip the keys from his hand.

"Come on, bastard." Grabbing his hand, Naruto pulled a reluctant Sasuke into the building. The Uchiha was really starting to regret ever listening to his lover, particularly when he saw Naruto's jaw hit the floor in response to the dancers.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke's tone was cold enough to freeze hell.

Naruto waved a hand at him. "Shh! You're ruining this for me."

It was a satisfied Sasuke that watched a respectable bump rise on Naruto's head. Before he could start yelling, Sasuke tugged at his arm. "Find Jiraiya and let's get out of here."

Rolling his eyes, the blond sighed. "Fine. Let's go."

The duo weaved through the pulsing crowd. Sasuke found himself on the receiving end of several gropes. The flashing lights seemed to make his patented glare less effective. He was soon pressing closer to Naruto's back, trying to avoid the braver—and drunker—in the crowd. Naruto flashed him a smile over his shoulder and he tightened his hand around Sasuke's. They headed to a staircase running parallel to the wall. A bouncer lounged at the bottom.

"We're here to meet Jiraiya!" Naruto yelled over the din. "Uzumaki and Uchiha!"

The bouncer nodded and let them through. At the top, they wound around the railway, avoiding couples and groups until they finally reached the end. Half-hidden in one of the private booths, Jiraiya was laughing. On the table in front of him were several bottles of alcohol and two scantily clad women flanked him. Sitting opposite to him was a woman with bright pink hair who looked fairly disgusted with Jiraiya's actions and a gray-haired man whose face was buried in a novel Sasuke recognized as the first in the _Come, Come_ series.

"Ah, Naruto!" Jiraiya grinned. "Perfect timing!" The woman's green eyes ran over the two men, lingering a little on Sasuke. The man beside her passed a page, never lowering the novel from his face.

"I'm sorry, babes, but can you give us a minute?" The two women pouted at Jiraiya's words, but shuffled away. Jiraiya stared longingly after them for a moment before Naruto sat beside him and bopped him on the head. Sasuke followed and was surprised to find the raucous sound of the music dimmed somewhat. It seemed the booth had noise-cancelling properties. They could host a private conversation without needing to worry about eavesdroppers.

"How many times have you read that already?" Naruto complained to the man with the book. The novel shifted.

"Maa, Naruto, you're supposed to greet an old guardian first." The book came down, revealing a single eye crinkled by a smile hidden behind a mask. An eye patch rested over his left eye.

"Kakashi?" Sasuke couldn't control his surprise.

"You two know each other?" Naruto's head whipped from Sasuke to Kakashi and back.

"He's the friend I was telling you about." Sasuke still couldn't believe his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"Apparently, I am here to plan a robbery of several million," Kakashi replied simply, opening the book again.

"That's one less introduction!" Jiraiya interrupted cheerfully. He turned to the woman. "Sakura, this is Naruto and Sasuke. Boys, Sakura."

"You're the ones who planned this?" Sakura observed them both carefully.

"Yes, ma'am." Naruto winked. "Has anyone ever told you, you have amazing green eyes?"

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Sakura answered drily. Sasuke kicked Naruto's ankle.

"Now, let's get to business so I can get back to research." Jiraiya downed a drink as Naruto flinched and tried to hit Sasuke. "Sakura and Kakashi have already agreed to work for ten percent cuts each."

"And not a cent less," Kakashi cut in swiftly, still buried in the orange book. Naruto huffed.

"Kakashi here will be knocking out the bank's security so you two aren't fried when you approach the vault," Jiraiya continued. "Our own Sakura-chan will be keeping the clients and workers under control."

"One girl?" said Naruto unthinkingly. Immediately, he found himself staring down the barrel of a sleek gun held unflinchingly in Sakura's hands.

"I can shoot a card through its heart at 100 ft and put ten more holes in it before it touches the ground. I'm also trained in explosives and several other firearms. Don't tempt me."

As fast as the gun appeared, it disappeared from her hands. Sakura leaned lazily against the seat.

"Beautiful _and_ dangerous." Naruto nodded. "I think I'm in love."

Sasuke's kick aimed higher. Naruto yelped.

Ignoring the fighting lovers, Jiraiya pushed the drinks aside, laying a portfolio in the newly open space. "These are the bank's blueprints. They're as recent as I could get them."

"How old?" Sasuke drummed his fingertips against the table.

"Six months."

"Hn."

"The next drop-off is in two weeks, on Thursday."

"So we'll hit Friday," said Sakura.

"Nice weekend present." Kakashi idly turned another page.

"There's also the contact information for an acquaintance of mine working in there." Jiraiya pulled out the correct sheet of paper. "He'll be helping you behind the scenes. Anything else is too troublesome, or so he says."

"So he'll leave the back door open for us," Sasuke translated, scanning the telephone and address.

"Is he getting a cut too?" Naruto frowned.

"Three percent. Anything more is 'too troublesome'," Jiraiya mimicked. "Now, I'm guessing you four need to learn a little about each other and plan this out. I'll leave you to that. So get out and ask those two lovely girls to come back."

Rolling her eyes, Sakura pushed away from the seat. Kakashi still refused to pocket the book, but it didn't seem to impair his ability to avoid any and all obstacles in his way. Naruto was practically skipping after Sasuke. While climbing down the stairs, the blond momentarily pressed against the brunet, his hand brushing Sasuke's. Sasuke understood it to be an apology and lightly pressed his fingertips in acceptance. Naruto smiled dazzlingly and took the lead, running after Sakura and Kakashi.


	2. Much Madness

**Author's Notes:** Next chapter will take longer to upload. If it's not up in a month, someone kick me.

Expect spoilers for manga. If you've not caught up to the grand unveiling of Akatsuki's leader's abilities and don't want to be spoiled, don't read.

Again, much love to my beta, The Sometimes Hatter. You rock my fuzzy socks off.

* * *

_One wild night (blinded by the moonlight)  
One wild night (24 hours of midnight)  
One wild night (I stepped into the twilight zone  
And she left my heart with vertigo)  
One wild, one wild, one wild, one wild night_

-"One Wild Night", Bon Jovi

* * *

Friday rolled around faster than anyone could have predicted.

Sasuke wasn't sure whether to feel worried or happy about the fact. The past two weeks had not been easy.

Naruto would not stop flirting with Sakura.

"So how did you get into this business?"

"I always had good aim. My shishou found me when I was twelve and trained me."

"Training, huh? I'll help you train anytime."

Or-

"What's there?" he asked, pointing to a large suitcase.

"An assault rifle."

"Really? I have one too. Want to play with it?"

Or-

"Hey, Sakura? Will you be the mother of my children?"

Sasuke discovered he was quite the sadist as he enjoyed the beatings Sakura gave Naruto for his more daring comments. Especially as the pink-haired girl was a lot stronger than she looked; only Naruto's ability to heal quickly saved him from looking like a black and blue blow-up doll. The tan proved a hard hue to hold on to. The brunet, however, began to suspect that Sakura wasn't as bothered as she appeared, especially since the mother-of-my-children comment only earned the blond a sock to his stomach and a slight upward twitch to Sakura's lips.

Asking Naruto to stop was like talking to a wall.

"Aww! Is Sasuke-chan jealous?"

Sasuke was about to kill him.

Kakashi proved to not be much better. He skillfully evaded all of Sasuke's questions regarding his past and his connection to Naruto. Moreover, the man never put down his erotic novel. When his three younger teammates began acting up, he would just glance over his book lazily.

"Maa, take it easy. No need to act up."

Usually, however, he would just ignore the others. He would giggle to himself from behind his book, effectively scaring his younger companions.

"Same thing happens with Jiraiya." Naruto dropped his voice to a dramatic whisper. "_The porn speaks to him_."

Taking a good look at the rag-tag group, how unprofessional they all acted and the clear lack of teamwork, Sasuke was truly regretting ever agreeing to Naruto's insane scheme.

oOo

"Everyone knows their position, right?" Kakashi glanced at the other three. Sakura was flexing her hands inside her black leather gloves. Naruto was still for the first time in two weeks and Sasuke was solemn, hands in his pockets. All four wore identical black pants paired with a grey vest. Sasuke was glancing curiously at the black flame tattoos, which matched Naruto's gracing Sakura's and Kakashi's shoulder. "Good. These are your voice-changers and your masks. I'm sure I don't need to remind you that you are not to remove these masks under any circumstances."

As Kakashi handed out the masks, he saw Naruto frown in distaste at his.

"You should have known you'd be getting it back," drawled Kakashi. "Goes with the uniform."

Naruto's look darkened in fury and Kakashi could have sworn he saw a familiar cruel red glint in their depths. Sasuke's dark head shot up, eyes narrowing in question as they flickered between his yellow-haired lover and the grey-haired man. Sakura glanced at the blond's mask.

"A fox," she observed simply. "It suits you."

Naruto looked like he was about to argue, but thought better of it. Kakashi watched with interest as Sasuke's black eyes focused on the blond. Uzumaki was going to be in for one hell of an interrogation later. The older man almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

oOo

Their contact in the bank proved to be a man around Sakura's age with brown hair done up in a short, spiky ponytail. It reminded her of a pineapple. Just as Sasuke predicted, he left the back door open for them.

Literally.

Shikamaru, or so he had introduced himself, had snuck Naruto and Sasuke inside, lazily waving them in the direction of the vault. Kakashi was already on the roof, manipulating the camera feeds and alarms. She was waiting in the armored Gallardo Naruto had somehow found for them. Later, she would have to question the obnoxious blond; he was too well connected and that ANBU tattoo wasn't a design you wore for kicks. At the moment, however, she tapped a cheerful beat against her thigh with a gloved finger.

A crackle at the headphones she wore interrupted her song.

"_Showtime_," Kakashi said cheerfully. He was probably reading his novel again.

"I hear you," she answered and opened the door. She jogged lightly up the steps and confidently strode through the doors.

The weight of the .45 USP in her hand was comforting.

Green eyes hidden behind her mask narrowed. Three guards, twelve tellers, approximately thirty clients. Three silenced gunshots rippled through the air. The three guards collapsed immediately. It was so fast and so quiet most of the people did not understand why she was masked or why she held a sleek dark gun in one hand. When she pulled out the other gun, her favorite M4, and fired a warning shot, they finally screamed, throwing themselves on the floor without her needing to say anything. One of the tellers dashed for the back door. His shoulder exploded in red.

"On the ground!" she called out clearly. Her voice was deeper than usual due to the voice modifier, but it sounded natural. Her boots clicked delicately against the polished marble floor. "And shut up! Anyone else tries to move and I'll shoot to kill."

A couple more strategically placed shots in the arms and legs of the more daring members quickly hushed any sign of rebellion.

She saw Shikamaru lying at the closest computer to her and pointed to him. "You. Oy, pineapple head!"

The man continued to feign unconsciousness. A shot to the floor next to his ear had him jumping to his feet.

"I'm making a withdrawal," she crooned.

"What?" he feigned idiocy. Sakura aimed between his eyes.

"Money," she stated succinctly. "Now."

He nodded nervously. He tried to stand, but his legs wouldn't support him. He fell with an over-exaggerated cry. Sakura was about to smack him for his over-the-top acting.

However, she knew he needed to delay. Their interaction was a façade, designed to keep attention riveted on them—and away from the two men breaking into the main vault.

oOo

Naruto and Sasuke slunk through the halls. The first cameras they noticed made them pause before trusting Kakashi to have disconnected them.

"Are you sure it's this way?" Naruto asked for the sixth time in five minutes. Stealing was supposed to be exciting. All he felt, however, was a hollow twist to his stomach. He didn't even feel righteousness or satisfaction.

Sasuke barely controlled the urge to bash his partner's head in with his own mask. To his joy—and Naruto's prolonged life—the vault came into view.

"Hurry up, Fox."

Sasuke could just imagine Naruto's glare at the codename.

"Yeah, yeah, _Cat_."

Naruto dropped the bag he carried at Sasuke's feet. From the holster strapped to his leg, he withdrew an N92. Its weight was strange after so many years, but still manageable.

"What are you doing with a gun?" Sasuke eyed the weapon askance.

"I'm standing guard."

"When did you learn how to use one?"

"Oh, well, you know." Naruto laughed nervously. "Hurry up, bastard."

"You're not getting out of this. We're discussing this later."

"Yes, wife."

The comment earned Uzumaki a solid blow to the head.

While Naruto kept a close eye on the hall, Sasuke opened the bag. Remembering Kakashi's instructions, he quickly pieced together an instrument Kakashi had affectionately nicknamed Chidori. It looked like a cross between a high-powered rifle and a field telescope. He connected the tip to the door. Turning on the attached computer, he quickly verified the numbers projected onto the screen.

"Dog, this is Cat. We're ready."

"_Sending Slug in now_."

Not even a minute later, the two men heard the unmistakable sounds of gunshots and quickly hushed screams.

"You need to learn how to be forceful like her." Naruto grinned. "Useful when you're riding."

Sasuke was sorely tempted to stab him with Chidori.

Turning back to his work, he switched on the machine. As its name suggested, the sound of thousands of twittering birds filled the area. Blue electric light surged down the barrel and to the door. There was a series of low clicks as the electricity reversed the lock's paths, opening them. When the sounds died down, he tugged on Chidori, pulling the thick door with it. He disconnected the machine, hands trembling faintly in excitement. Naruto rushed inside, already opening a nylon bag and shoving stacks of bills inside. Once Chidori was properly packed away, Sasuke ran into the vault to help his partner. Between the two of them, they filled seven bags. When Sasuke tried to lift one, he was surprised by how heavy it was.

"At _least_ ten million," the blond sighed happily. Hidden by his mask, Sasuke afforded himself a victorious smirk. Naruto jumped him, slinging one arm jerkily around his neck. He crowed happily.

"Come on, idiot." Sasuke's tone was warm. "Let's haul these out."

oOo

Turning his one visible eye lazily to the bank across the street, Kakashi patted the FAMAS slung across his lap. A laptop lay on the ground beside him, feeding him live images of the bank inside. His novel burned a hole in his bag. Jiraiya had given him the third installment before it even reached shelves and he was dying to know what happened next. Unfortunately, he had to babysit first.

Kakashi sighed.

Seeing movement below, he spotted an armored van approach the back of the bank, an armored Lamborghini following. With a series of keys, Kakashi redirected the cameras feed, freezing on the image of an empty back alley. Naruto and Sasuke were now invisible. He repeated the movements with the cameras inside the bank. The screen split and Kakashi could observe the camera feed the guards would be receiving and, opposite them, what was actually occurring. He watched Shikamaru casually stride through the walls, hands in his pockets. He opened the backdoor, waving the two masked figures jumping out of the van over. Then he retraced his steps, still ridiculously calm.

Kakashi felt he could connect with that one.

While Naruto and Sasuke ran inside, Sakura drove the Superleggera around the bank, parking near the front.

Now, _that _was a pretty car. Especially with the modifications made to it.

He waited quietly, almost bored, and was about to remove the novel from his bag when he heard Sasuke's disguised voice through the headphones.

"_Dog, this is Cat. We're ready_."

"Sending Slug in now."

Switching to Sakura's frequency, he smiled. "Showtime."

"_I hear you_."

Sakura opened the door, leaving the car on. She disappeared inside the bank and flitted into Kakashi's monitor.

_She really is scary_, Kakashi mused as Sakura singlehandedly brought those present under control. _What has Tsunade been teaching her?_

Simultaneously, Sasuke was opening the vault and Naruto was running inside. They had one minute before they had to clear out.

The numbers counting down on his computer screen were there for show. The huge blinking red made him feel like he was in a movie.

The moment he saw Naruto and Sasuke were done, he quickly contacted Sakura. "Wrap it up."

Sakura reached over to grab the bag Shikamaru had half-filled with petty cash. Kakashi noticed one man getting up. A disguised guard. Quickly cocking his gun up, he took careful aim through the high windows of the bank. A splash of red revealed that he'd managed to shoot the hand reaching for the man's gun.

On the monitor, Sakura didn't even bother turning. She seized the bag and ran out. Naruto and Sasuke had already jumped into the van and were driving away. Kakashi casually packed his computer and gun. He fished a wireless detonator out of his holster and pressed the button. Immediately, all the bypasses and cables he'd snuck into the bank earlier to hack it exploded, taking out most of the building's electricity with it. Slinging a hook against the roof's raised edge, he swung down just as Sakura parked beside his building's curb, the passenger door already open.

"Well, that was fun." Kakashi smiled. Sakura had discarded her ANBU mask. He nodded to the bag next to her. "Are you going to add that money to the rest?"

Sakura scoffed. "Of course not. That's my bonus."

oOo

Naruto and Sasuke were screwed. Like, really screwed. Going-to-prison-if-caught kind of screwed. There wasn't capital punishment for stealing, was there?

But Naruto could not hide his glee at knowing he and Sasuke had pulled the biggest heist in, well, _ever_.

The blond was still riding the high provided by the looks on the bank owner's faces. Sasuke still couldn't believe what he had just done. Turning to look at the other man, Sasuke had the impression that this wasn't Naruto's first theft…although perhaps the first of such magnitude.

Yet another thing he would have to ask Naruto about. Despite the obnoxious blonde's inability to hide his emotions and need to broadcast everything that happened to him, he had proven in a matter of days to have a past Sasuke could never have imagined.

It irritated him to tell the truth.

Glancing at Naruto's open face, the almost childish joy illuminating his features, Sasuke figured it was better to leave that line of questioning for later. For now, he settled for watching the changes in Naruto's grin and counting the money in the back of the van.

"How much?" Naruto asked, twiddling with the car's wheel. He had been asking every five minutes for the past hour.

Instead of huffing and hitting the other man as he had before, Sasuke smirked. "How much do you think?"

Naruto scrunched his forehead, lips pouting adorably. "Ten million?"

Sasuke's smirk widened. "More."

"Twenty."

"More."

"Thirty."

"More."

"More?"

"Hn."

"Fifty?"

"53.7."

The smile that spread across Naruto's face was absolutely gleeful. He whooped, completely ignoring the car as he grabbed Sasuke's head, pressing their lips together.

"Naruto! The road!" Sasuke gasped against his mouth, grabbing the wheel and jerking the car back into the lane. They narrowly avoided a madly honking truck heading in the opposite direction.

Sasuke massaged his temples, figuring that pressing his hand against his heart would earn him a mocking for "being a girl". Naruto was still yelling in joy, leaning against the horn and generally being as loud as he possibly could.

Grabbing the wheel, Sasuke jerked Naruto to him, kissing him until he calmed down. When he let go, Naruto's gaze was dazed and Sasuke had to fiddle the wheel a little longer until Naruto came to.

"You remember the directions, right?" asked Sasuke as Naruto appropriated the wheel.

"Of course I do," he huffed. "How much goes to Kakashi and Sakura?"

The brunet did the math mentally. "They and Jiraiya get 5,370,00 each."

"Shikamaru?"

"1,611,000."

"So how much does that leave us?"

"35,979,000."

"Seriously?" Naruto's eyes widened comically. "That little?"

Sasuke's arched an eyebrow. "That _little_?"

"Well, yeah, compared to fifty million."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Just keep driving, dobe."

oOo

"All right, boys, we've got a robbery."

"Big fucking whoop," Hidan muttered under his breath. His partner, Kakuzu, smartly smacked him upside his head.

"Of what, Yahiko-sama?" Sasori rested his boyish face on his palm.

"Over fifty million dollars." Yahiko turned to face them, orange hair highlighted under the fluorescent lighting.

"Fifty million?" Kakuzu repeated. Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Of course," he muttered to himself. "He doesn't give a flying fuck about Jashin-sama's teachings, but he gets off to motherfucking_ money_."

Kakuzu had an image—as brief as it was enjoyable—of him ripping Hidan's heart out and making him watch as Kakuzu fed it to dogs.

"Hidan, settle down," Yahiko reproached. Tobi cackled.

"Hidan-san got scolded! Haha-urk!" Eyes wide, Tobi ducked behind Zetsu at Hidan's dirty look.

"If you're done…" Yahiko trailed off delicately, but his impassive look promised future pain if they didn't settle down.

"Details?" Kisame decided to turn the conversation onto safe matters.

"Ame First Bank was hit around noon today," Yahiko began. "It proved to be a mob bank."

"An opposing group?" Deidara casually blew his blond bangs away from his face.

"According to eyewitnesses, ANBU was responsible."

"ANBU?" Sasori repeated. "Konoha's elite? I thought they died down after their leader was killed."

"Further investigation is required, but it seems they're alive and well."

"Anything else?" Kakuzu tapped a pencil against his desk rhythmically.

"The robbery was almost perfect. One member held the bank at gunpoint, threatening one teller, while two accomplices emptied the vault. The robbery of the vault itself wasn't noticed until several hours later. Cameras were effectively knocked out, as were almost all electronic devices. Only one thing was left behind." Yahiko raised a plastic bag with an odd necklace inside. It was a simple string with a series of hollow circles cutting the cord at regular intervals.

Itachi, aloof until that moment, blinked. "May I take a closer look at that, Yahiko-sama?"

Yahiko held it out. Itachi stood gracefully, walking from his desk to the table. He carefully examined the object, feeling the texture through the plastic of the bag.

"You recognize it," Yahiko stated.

Itachi lowered his chin in the smallest fraction of a nod. "I made it several years ago. Gave it to my brother. Sasuke."


	3. Yes, to the Very End

**Author's Notes:** Reviews make my life. I am not worthy of my betas, The Sometimes Hatter and Dark Hope Assassin. I don't own _Naruto_ or lay any claim to it.

Enjoy.

* * *

_Annie, are you okay?  
So, Annie, are you okay?  
Are you okay, Annie?  
You've been hit by  
You've been struck by  
A smooth criminal_

-"Smooth Criminal," Michael Jackson

* * *

By the time Naruto and Sasuke reached the safe house, Sakura and Kakashi were already there. Kakashi lounged casually against the Gallardo's passenger door. Sakura had her hands on her hips and was frowning at the two men as they parked the van.

"Where were you two?"

Naruto raised his head at Sakura's voice. "Miss me, Sakura-chan?"

The pink-haired woman ignored him. "We were about to track the van, Sasuke-kun."

"Hn." Sasuke shrugged.

Naruto fumed. He hated being ignored. Sakura did nothing _except_ ignore him. She would only talk to Sasuke. While Sasuke was great (in bed, in shower, on table, in chair, against wall, in public…not that Naruto would ever admit to it out loud), Naruto knew he was just as good. Or better.

And the faces Sakura and Sasuke made at his more audacious comments were hysterical.

_"Keep it up and one of the two will emasculate you,"_ Kakashi had warned him, but what did he know? Naruto doubted there was a single thought left in his head that wasn't somehow related to porn.

"Ne, Sakura-chan!" Naruto threw open the van's door and chucked one of the bags at the woman's feet. "How much does this get me?"

Kakashi shook his head sadly. Sasuke arched an eyebrow. Neither was surprised when Sakura's left eye twitched as she correctly interpreted Naruto's question.

One gloved fist slammed into the side of Naruto's face, sending him flying into the van's opposite wall. Naruto twitched spasmodically as Sakura jumped inside, beating him further.

When Sasuke figured Naruto's screams of apology and misunderstanding were sincere and that the blond would not dare annoy him or Sakura for a while, he intervened. He caught one of Sakura's fists—biting back a wince at the pain that seared his arm upon doing so—and dragged a dazed Naruto out of the van by his hair.

Sakura seemed to have worked off her indignation as she merely huffed, ran a hand through her hair and calmly grabbed two bags, hauling them over her shoulder. She walked dignifiedly into the safe house.

"She's scary," Naruto whispered against Sasuke's back. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Maybe if you refrained from harassing her every five minutes she would have no reason to be."

"And do what? Harass you?" The tone abruptly changed and Naruto trailed a finger down Sasuke's spine ending just short of his pants' waistband. Before Sasuke could react, Naruto pulled away, flashing him a wide grin.

Sasuke glared as Naruto traipsed back to the van, grabbing two bags as well.

_Usuratonkachi_, he fumed. Naruto had brought it on himself; _he_ would be topping tonight.

Sasuke seized two bags and Kakashi shouldered the last one. When they entered the warehouse, they were greeted with the sight of Naruto enthusiastically emptying the four bags.

"What are you doing, Naruto?" Sakura seemed to have forgotten the altercation. She had her fists on her hips again and looked like a mother scolding a querulous child.

Naruto grinned. "What does it look like?" No sooner were the words out of his mouth, he dove chest-first into the pile of money he'd created. He flailed in the bills for a few seconds before sitting up, looking put out. "This looks much easier in cartoons."

Sakura's snort hid a smile.

Sasuke felt his cell phone vibrate against his leg. He fished it out. Upon reading the name flashing on the screen, he felt all humor abandon him.

Itachi.

Turning away from the trio—Naruto was trying to swim in the money, Sakura looked torn between yelling at him and joining him and Kakashi had snuck a bill and was using it for a bookmark—he walked outside, pulling the phone to his ear.

"Yes?"

The voice on the other end was cool as usual. "_Hello, little brother_."

"What do you want?" As he spoke, Sasuke's hand rose reflexively to the necklace he never removed. His fingers touched his skin. He ran his hand around his neck.

The necklace was gone.

"_I just wanted to know how you were doing_," Itachi was saying. "_I assume the court bills have been piling up_."

"So you're going to stop fighting me for Uchiha Estate?" Sasuke jerked open the van's passenger door, looking inside. He ducked his head and peered under the seat. Nothing.

"_I'm the older brother. I inherit_," Itachi said simply.

Naruto had grabbed his head while driving, so he may have ripped it.

"Tch," Sasuke scoffed. Driver's seat, nothing.

He never took it off. And the cord wasn't worn or weak. And Naruto had only seized him in the car…

An image flitted to his mind. Naruto slinging his arm around Sasuke's neck in the bank.

In the _bank_.

Cold crawled down his spine, quickly overtaking his limbs. His stomach hollowed. His heart pounded a staccato beat against his ribcage.

"Where are you, Itachi?" Sasuke forced his voice to remain calm and dismissive.

"_At work, of course. Some of us have responsibilities_."

"Your new work?"

"_Yes_." There was a pause before Itachi continued. "_Akatsuki._"

"Bastard!" Sasuke hung up the phone, dashing it against the dirt. The broken pieces glinted innocuously in the sunlight.

"Sasuke-kun? What's wrong?"

Sasuke turned to see Sakura eyeing him worriedly from the open door. Kakashi had pocketed his novel and Naruto's eyes were narrowing, money obscuring his lower half.

"We've been discovered." Sasuke forced the words through gritted teeth, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides.

"What?!" Naruto shot up, bills flying.

"So fast?" Sakura gasped.

"What happened?" Kakashi's visible eye was trained on Sasuke.

"My brother just called me. I think he traced the call. We need to leave."

"But how could he know?" Sakura's eyes searched his face for an answer.

"He's a special investigator. With Akatsuki."

"He's WHAT?!" Naruto yelped. Sakura clapped her hand over her mouth, green eyes widening.

"Akatsuki? As in the federal government's special investigation and law-enforcement branch? _That_ Akatsuki?" pressed Kakashi.

"Yes."

"Unless your brother magically knows everything about you, something was left behind," Kakashi continued ruthlessly. "What was it?"

Sasuke swallowed the ball forming in his throat. He bit his inner cheek until he tasted iron. "A necklace he made for me."

Sakura stared at him disbelievingly. Naruto gaped, mouth opening and closing in an accurate impression of a fish.

"You wore something _personal_ to a _robbery_?" Kakashi arched a grey eyebrow.

Sasuke exhaled sharply. "I didn't think—"

"That's right. You _didn't_ think." Kakashi's words were a slap. Sasuke stepped back.

"We need to move quickly," Sakura interjected. "We can't stay here anymore."

"We need to get to Konoha." Kakashi walked briskly to the stunned Naruto and the pile of money. "Once we're in Fire territory, they lose the advantage."

Naruto was still staring at Sasuke. The brunet glared at him, hating the way Naruto's shock made him feel. The glare made the blond snap his mouth shut. He glowered back.

"Oy, you two!" Kakashi called out sharply. "You can stare at each other through prison bars if you don't help us."

"They probably already know we're from Konoha." Sakura fiddled with her gloves as she slid them on. She grabbed the bag closest to her—one half-filled, its contents spilling out—and began to shove stacks of bills inside.

Kakashi grunted his agreement.

"Suna," Naruto said softly. The other three turned to look at him. Louder, he continued, "Gaara can help us."

"You sure Gaara won't just bury you in the desert?" prodded Kakashi.

"There are some hidden paths connecting Suna and Konoha. And Suna's a lot closer. We can lay low for a day or two, then go home." Naruto frowned at Kakashi, turning a haughty nose at him. "And Gaara happens to love me."

Sasuke's head snapped to his lover. Home? How was this Konoha Naruto's home? And who the hell was Gaara?

Kakashi sighed. He stared at the clouds as if hoping for the answer to be floating among them. "We'll do it your way," he acknowledged Naruto's plan. "Now pick up the money."

oOo

"He hung up," Itachi stated calmly, pocketing his cell phone.

Yahiko nodded. "Doesn't matter. We already have their location. They'll probably be searching for the fastest and least congested route to Konoha." He nodded to Zetsu who brought up a map of the area on the wide screen, different roads winding through it. "Any ideas?"

"Several." He pressed a button on his keyboard and six roads were highlighted in red.

"Contact the police. Tell them to set up blockades. Take Tobi with you and inspect them."

"Zetsu-san, Tobi will be a good partner!"

_He's going to die_, an inner voice Zetsu had dubbed Black Zetsu hissed.

"Itachi and Kisame, you will accompany me to the bank."

Itachi nodded; Kisame fingered a shark-scale hanging from a leather cord around his neck. When he grinned, sharp teeth glinted in the fluorescent light.

"The rest of you have numerous connections. I suggest you use those to go out and find them."

Hidan was irritated. "I thought this was a fucking department for motherfucking special cases. No one said anything about fucking _money_."

"Money happens to be the basis for our entire civilization," Kakuzu replied calmly.

"Right. And when your Judgment comes and you spout that shit to Jashin-sama, he'll fucking castrate you."

"Sasori-danna, where are you going, un?" Deidara blew his bangs out of his face as Sasori stood.

"I'm going to contact an old acquaintance."

"We should just lay explosives in the general area, un. That will weed them out."

"Damn explosive bastard," Hidan muttered under his breath.

Deidara smirked. "You like it when I'm explosive."

"Try to touch me and I'll shove a pike up your ass."

"You wish I'd swing that way so you could."

"If you two want to flirt, there's a broom closet down the hall," Kisame pointed out politely, earning himself two glares.

"Deidara-senpai, _I _like it when you're explosive," Tobi chirped.

"Let's go." Zetsu shoved Tobi out the door, worried as Deidara's eye twitched warningly.

"That's right, Deidara-_senpai_," Hidan mocked. "You'll have good company in hell."

Hidan's cackles were abruptly cut off when Deidara attempted to strangle him. With his _legs_.

"You do realize you have arms, right?" Kisame chuckled.

Deidara smirked. Hidan was turning purple. "This is good enough for him."

"Kakuzu!" Hidan managed to gasp. "Throw me…my pike!"

Kakuzu stared at him.

"Kakuzu, damn you! My…_pike_!"

With a heavy sigh, Kakuzu grabbed the decorative spike Hidan had in his cubicle and set it down on the floor…just short of Hidan's reach.

"Fucking bastard!"

oOo

Itachi and Kisame flanked Yahiko on either side. As they walked, their leader conversed with a woman called Konan. A white paper flower adorned her updo.

"This was where the necklace was found," she said, stopping before the open vault. Several policemen milled around the area. A forensic assistant was dusting for fingerprints.

"Has anything else been found?" asked Yahiko.

She shook her blue-haired head. "All of our electronic systems were hacked. When the police attempted to find the point of hacking, they discovered there were numerous points and all had been destroyed. Small traces of C4 were recovered from each site.

"No fingerprints, no hair, nothing. Except that necklace. Have you been able to identify possible suspects?"

"Yes," Yahiko responded shortly. "Itachi, see if you can find anything."

"That won't do you any good. There's nothing else to be found," Konan argued.

"He's familiar with Konoha. If ANBU _was_ responsible for this, he may find something the police overlooked."

Itachi tuned out the rest of the conversation. He cast a casual look over the thick door, running his hand over the quarter-shaped burn-mark on the metal.

"What's that?" Kisame peered interestedly over his partner's shoulder.

"Electric burn," Itachi stated monotonously. "An electromagnetic unlocking device."

One woman gaped at him. "How did you figure that out so fast?"

"That's Itachi for you." Kisame shrugged his shoulders, smiling widely. The woman visibly did a double take at the sight of his unnaturally sharp teeth.

Itachi walked inside the vault, glancing around disinterestedly.

"Yahiko-sama," he said, "I'd like to speak to the teller."

"Is he here?" Yahiko asked Konan.

"I'll go get him," she said, walking away.

While they waited, Kisame entertained himself counting a package of bills. He chortled as he imagined Kakuzu's reaction to a vault filled with money. When the scenario transformed into Hidan threatening the money and Kakuzu trying to kill him for it, his grin widened, effectively scaring the police around him.

"Here he is." Konan had returned. Behind her, a young man with brown hair tied into a ponytail followed.

"Everyone leave." At Itachi's words, some of the men present frowned.

"Oy, who do you think you a—"

Itachi's look was enough for the man to choke on his words. He didn't need to repeat himself for everyone to scramble for the exit.

Kisame left calmly, clapping the teller on the shoulder. "I pity you. Itachi's not one to be kind even to innocents."

Itachi and the younger man were left alone inside the vault. The Akatsuki investigator didn't bother glancing at him, studying the tossed piles of money.

"What did you see?"

The other man sighed. Itachi thought he heard a muttered "Troublesome".

"A woman entered the bank. Distinguishing marks: pink hair, black tattoo on her right shoulder. Shot a teller, some of the clients. Threatened me to give her money so I grabbed the money I had on hand, threw it in a sack and gave it to her."

"Nothing else?"

"No."

"What's your name?"

"Nara Shikamaru."

"Nara… Does your family still raise deer?"

Shikamaru blinked. Itachi turned around, both men looking at each other's face.

"Do they still live inside Konoha's borders?"

oOo

"Well done, usuratonkachi. You got us lost in a sandstorm."

"Sasuke-bastard, shut up."

They had been driving for a little over five hours when the storm brewed. Naruto and Sasuke had quickly lost sight of the Gallardo with Sakura and Kakashi. They'd been forced to stop to avoid accidentally hitting the Superleggera. Neither could they leave the van. The harsh sound of the sand scraping the metal killed any desire to go outside. They were stuck watching the sand roll down the windshield and collect on the hood.

Naruto turned on the windshield wipers, but turned them back off at the hideous groan they produced, trying to fight the sand.

He struck the wheel, sitting back annoyed. Sasuke massaged a temple.

"You know," a leer slowly grew on Naruto's face, "I can think of something to help pass the time."

"Did you live in Konoha?"

Sasuke's question erased Naruto's smile. "What?"

"Did. You. Live. In. Konoha."

Naruto glared at the tone. "What the hell, bastard? You want to play 20 Questions or something?"

"It's a simple question, Naruto." Sasuke kept his gaze unflinchingly on his companion.

Naruto exhaled sharply, crossing his arms before his chest.

"Naru—"

"Until I was twelve," grumbled Naruto.

"Why did you leave?"

"It doesn't concern you," he snapped.

Sasuke frowned. "Unfortunately, whatever concerns you concerns me. Why did you leave?"

"How did your parents die, Sasuke?" Naruto asked with faux-sweetness.

"That doesn't concern you!" It was only after the words were out of his mouth that Sasuke realized what he said.

Naruto smirked in victory.

Sasuke closed his eyes, leaning his head back. "Okay. Then why do you, Kakashi and Sakura have matching tattoos?"

Naruto looked away.

"You owe me _some_ answers, dobe." Sasuke grabbed Naruto's chin, forcing the blond to look at him. "You won't tell me who Minato was. You won't tell me what made you leave a place you called 'home'. You certainly didn't tell me you had prior experience stealing. I know," Sasuke continued when he noticed Naruto opening his mouth. "I'm not stupid, Naruto. You're far too comfortable doing this for it to have been your first time. You know how to handle a gun! Where the hell did you learn? We're going to be here a pretty long fucking time so you better start answering _something_."

The blue eyes were simultaneously stunned and furious. Naruto wrenched his chin away. "I was in ANBU. So is Sakura and so is Kakashi. ANBU is Konoha's elite force. It's where I learned how to fire. In some of the missions, violence was unavoidable."

Sasuke controlled the urge to reel back in the face of the surprising declaration and the hardening sapphire eyes. "Missions? ANBU? I thought you said you left Konoha when you were twelve."

"I did."

"Then how—"

"I was four-years-old when I undertook my first mission. I don't remember it, but I saw the records. That explain it?" It was so out-of-character to hear Naruto use sarcasm. Usually, Sasuke was the sarcastic one, the snide comments passing right over Naruto's spiky head.

"What's ANBU?"

"Acquired Neurotic Bag Urge."

"What?"

"Acceptably Nefarious Betrothed Undressing."

"_What?_"

"Anlagenbuchhaltung."

"Is that German?"

"Antipollution Novella Belligerently Unchanged."

"Naruto!"

"Adorably Nonviolent Blinding Uzzi."

Sasuke punched Naruto in the gut. Naruto just laughed. "Sorry, Sasuke. But I have over thirty of those drilled into me after years in ANBU. You're not getting ANBU's name from me."

He continued laughing, but there was a dark, bitter edge to it. Sasuke knew what was coming. Naruto had been stewing over the necklace incident for several hours; Sasuke expected him to explode at any moment.

A knock at the window made both men jump. A solemn face was almost pressed against the glass, red hair and dark outlined eyes illuminated by the car's weak light.

"Gaara!" Naruto cried out, scrambling over Sasuke's lap to open the door. It was against the wind, but Sasuke still felt the swirling sand stab him.

Gaara's face was unreadable. "We already got Kakashi and Sakura out. We'll escort you to Suna. Another team will be by later to retrieve your cars."

Naruto grinned brightly. "Gaara, you're awesome!"

Sasuke decided he didn't like Gaara.

Quickly, the two men climbed out of the van, slamming the door shut behind them. The trio ran to a small convoy, jumping inside quickly. A man with an hourglass-like symbol on the band around his forehead closed the door behind them.

Sakura and Kakashi were already settled inside, talking to a blonde woman and man with what Sasuke assumed to be a mask, before he realized the bold design was painted onto his face.

"Hey, shrimp," the blonde greeted Naruto.

Naruto, acting his age, stuck his tongue out at her. Sasuke, used to his antics, ignored him, purposefully sitting between him and Gaara.

The painted-mask man snorted. "Not the proper attitude to someone who just saved you."

"And why did we even have to?" The woman arched an eyebrow.

"They stole from a bank," Gaara answered without emotion.

"How did you know?" Naruto gasped.

"News."

"Well, our Gaara is Kazekage for a reason." Make-up-man clapped Gaara on the shoulder.

"Seriously, Gaara? Kazekage?" Naruto gaped.

Gaara lowered his chin a fraction of an inch.

"Wow." Naruto settled back against his seat, still observing the redhead. "That's amazing, Gaara."

"We're going to need a place to spend the night," interrupted Kakashi. "We'll leave tomorrow."

The woman laughed. "No, you won't. Your cars need to be cleared of sand first if you expect them to move. It'll take us an entire day working around the clock. At the earliest, you'll be leaving the day after tomorrow. Unless you trade cars."

"We deeply appreciate the generosity." Kakashi bowed his head.

Gaara shook his. "I owe him," he said simply. He didn't need to clarify who _him_ was.

Sasuke felt more irritated than ever.

When the wind suddenly died down, the raven-haired man realized they must have gone underground. His theory proved true when the doors were thrown open and he was staring at the circular roof of a wide cavern.

"I'll lead you to your rooms," said Gaara. "We'll discuss your plans tomorrow after you've rested."

He led them silently through the winding tunnels, the blonde and the painted man following at his heels like guards. They climbed a set of worn stone steps and came up to a brightly lit hall. They proceeded through more labyrinthine hallways until Sasuke knew he was completely lost. Then, Gaara paused. He motioned a room for each. When he pointed Naruto to a room different from Sasuke's, the brunet snapped.

"He sleeps with me," he answered a little sharply. The six people present turned to look at him. He raised his chin, daring them to comment. Sakura was looking between him and Naruto while Kakashi only rolled his eyes. The blonde blinked and her companion stared.

Gaara shrugged. _Do what you will_ was understandable in his body movement.

They bid the others good night and Sasuke grabbed Naruto by the back of his collar, dragging him into the room. He slammed the door behind him.

"Ow! What the hell, bastard?"

"Who's Gaara?"

Naruto's mouth dropped open. "What are you talking about?"

"Who's Gaara?" Sasuke repeated softly. The low volume belied the anger in the tone.

"He's an old friend. What the hell's got your panties in a twist? You're acting like a jealous girlfr—are you jealous?"

"Of course not," Sasuke scoffed.

"Of course not." Naruto jeered. He turned around in a huff, just to reel back. "You are fucking unbelievable," he raged. Sasuke was silent, features closed off. "You get up on my case because I'm happy to see an old friend is doing so well, but you're the one who got us into this mess! How the hell could you leave your necklace behind?"

Sasuke's eyes flashed. "I wasn't the one hanging around my neck."

"You're not pinning this on me! You're the one who wore a motherfucking necklace to a robber_y_, _genius_," Naruto sneered.

Sasuke reacted so fast Naruto wasn't able to defend himself. His head cracked against the wall. Naruto winced, eyes watering. One of Sasuke's hands fisted the blond's shirt; the other curled around the tan neck. Naruto glowered at Sasuke, trying to keep his body from reacting to the other boy's proximity.

"Don't you dare blame me for all this," Sasuke hissed. The hand clutching the bend of Naruto's neck was tight enough to bruise.

Naruto's breath hitched.

Sasuke glanced down. He let go of Naruto's shirt to duck underneath it. Long, pale fingers found a nipple, stroking it lightly—before twisting it viciously. Naruto gasped, aiming a punch at Sasuke that the other man easily intercepted. His knee dug up Naruto's groin, earning him a squirm and a vicious glare that didn't distract Sasuke from the rising blush on Naruto's face.

"Why, I do believe you get off on pain, Uzumaki," he taunted, smirking cruelly. The hand around Naruto's neck tightened remorselessly.

"You fucking bastard," Naruto snarled. A choked gasp followed.

Sasuke's smirk grew. Plunging his hand into Naruto's pants, his nails dug ruthlessly around Naruto's burgeoning arousal. Smiling at the groan he elicited, Sasuke was amused to learn he didn't know if it was from pain or pleasure.

Or both.

Letting go of his neck, Sasuke trailed his fingers delicately up Naruto's skin to the sunshine yellow hair. He curled his hand around the fine strands and tugged it viciously down. Several of the bright threads came away in his hand. Naruto's head again slammed against the wall. Naruto opened his mouth—to gasp? to moan? to yell?—but Sasuke clapped his over it, biting down on Naruto's lower lip.

Naruto's movements were becoming erratic, contradictory. One hand punched into Sasuke's stomach while the other pulled the Uchiha ever closer. Sasuke alternated between stroking Naruto's shaft and raking his nails over it, until Naruto no longer knew whether to thrust into the hand or try to get away. The hand again trailed delicately down, down tan skin, over gasping lips, resting over the violent pulse. Again, it closed around the younger man's neck, teeth scraping a strong jaw line.

It was the teeth that bit down sharply on a nipple that brought Naruto over the edge.

He sagged against Sasuke, breathing harshly. Sasuke entertained himself tracing lazy circles into the flushed skin he'd been torturing seconds earlier. He could see a rising bruise in the shape of five digits like a purple and onyx necklace.

He smiled grimly. A necklace. A fucking _necklace_.

"One of these days," Naruto promised, nails digging into Sasuke's shoulders, "I'm going to kill you."

Chuckling softly, Sasuke licked his earlobe, tugging at it with his teeth. "You're likely to die first."


	4. Out of Faults

**Author's Notes:** Reviews make my life. My betas, The Sometimes Hatter and Dark Hope Assassin, are love. This chapter is for my twin, smiles1777, whose loling on LJ inspired one of the arguments.

Finally, I'm pimping a story I cowrote with smiles1777. You can find a link in my profile. PEOPLE, IT HAS IRUKA IN A LOINCLOTH.

* * *

_Near a tree by a river  
There's a hole in the ground  
Where an old man of Aran  
Goes around and around  
And his mind is a beacon  
In the veil of the night  
For a strange kind of fashion  
There's a wrong and a right_

-"The Riddle," Gigi D'Agostino

* * *

For a moment, Sasuke did not remember where he was or why he was there. It seemed like a normal morning, his internal clock waking him up before the alarm and Naruto hot as a furnace pressed against his side. Like any typical morning, Sasuke attempted to shove the other man off him. Naruto tightened his hold around his lover's waist, mumbling incoherencies into the black hair. Before long, Sasuke gave up as he always did. He missed the days when he was bigger than the blond and could easily push him aside.

It was when he looked up, expecting to see their bedroom's white ceiling and seeing instead smooth rock, that yesterday's memories assaulted him. As did a sudden twinge of pain that radiated up his spine. Lifting the edge of the sheets, he snorted at the purple handprint staining his hip. A glance to Naruto's neck revealed the very faded and barely visible bruise he had left.

Annoyed, Sasuke socked his companion in the gut, just hard enough to wake him up.

"OW! You stupid ass, what the hell was that for?"

"How many times have I told you I bruise easily and don't heal anywhere near as fast as you?" Sasuke asked icily.

"Um...a lot?"

Sasuke raised the sheets.

"That's it? That's why you punched me awake?"

Sasuke glared.

"Tch. You're such a woman." Naruto turned on his side, showing Sasuke his back. The skin there was littered with healing scratch marks.

Smirking cruelly, Sasuke decided to add another.

"What the hell?!" Naruto jumped.

"I barely touched you."

"That hurt!"

"I didn't even get to scratch you."

"It still hurt!"

"Who's the woman, now?"

"Sasuke-bastard..."

A possible repetition of the night's events was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Maa, lovebirds, breakfast is set out. Unless, of course, you're already eating. ...Now, Sakura, be more careful when you throw your shoes. You almost took my head."

"Good-for-nothing pervert," muttered Naruto.

oOo

After Naruto and Sakura yelled at Kakashi for his indecency and Sasuke glared, the four of them proceeded with relative tranquility to the dining room.

Clothes had been laid out for them and they all delighted in cleaning the grime off their bodies and pulling on the sturdy and warm tan clothing. Outside may have been a scorching desert, but inside the caves it was bitterly cold.

Gaara and his siblings were already seated at the table, his brother having washed the paint from his face. Sasuke learned his name to be Kankurou and the sister's, Temari.

Gaara sat at the head of the table and, when the four guests walked in, he motioned for Naruto to take the seat at his right. Sasuke followed at his lover's heels and pulled his chair as close to Naruto as proper etiquette allowed.

Kakashi smirked under his mask. Those two were almost as good as _Icha Icha Tactics_...and that was saying a lot.

Just as they were finished eating, Gaara cleared his throat.

"We've recovered your vehicles and are in the process of cleaning them," he began without preamble. "They should be ready by evening. I've arranged an escort for you into Fire lands. You'll be outfitted with the weapons and clothing you desire and can leave any time you want."

Naruto shot Kakashi a victorious look. _I told you so _was clearly readable in the lines of his body.

"Thank you, Kazekage-sama." Kakashi ignored his subordinate. "We are in your debt."

Gaara shook his head. "I'm paying back a debt."

"You know you don't have to do that," Naruto muttered. Only Gaara and Sasuke heard him.

The redhead trained his hooded eyes on the blond man. "Yes. I do."

"Who will be our escort?" Sakura took a sip from her cup.

"Fuu," answered Temari just as Kankurou mumbled, "Seven."

Temari glared at her brother.

"Seven?" Sakura repeated, eyes narrowed in question.

Kakashi's eyes flickered between the Suna siblings. Naruto's face was blank, blue eyes hard. Sasuke again felt infuriatingly lost.

"Just a silly nickname. For Fuu's sister. Twin. Seisa." Temari waved her hands. "Kankurou doesn't get along with her too well. Right, Kankurou?"

Kankurou shrugged at Temari's look, but visibly flinched at Gaara's hooded glare.

"She wants to see you again," Gaara interrupted, looking at Naruto.

"Fuu? Really?" Naruto laughed, one hand scratching the back of his neck. "Man, I haven't seen her in forever."

"She's already here. If you're finished, we can go to her." Gaara stood. "The rest of you can meet her later. Do you have any idea when you would prefer to leave?"

"Tonight, if possible," Kakashi answered after glancing at his teammates. "The sooner we get to Konoha, the more comfortable we'll all feel."

Gaara nodded. "Then we'll have everything ready for you by tonight. Naruto?"

Sasuke snagged the hem of Naruto's shirt subtly before the younger man could stand up.

"I'll just be a while. Wait for me in our room, okay?" Naruto said softly enough that only Sasuke heard.

"Tch." Sasuke turned his head away. "As if I were worried."

Naruto grinned and socked Sasuke's shoulder. He hurried after Gaara who had not paused to wait for him. He accidentally crashed against a young man with dark hair.

"Sorry!" Naruto called over his shoulder, ignoring the frown the man aimed at him. He caught up with Gaara, falling into step beside him. "Man, Gaara, I can't tell you how grateful I am for all you've done."

"Hmm."

"No, seriously, you've been awesome. I was just telling Sasuke-bastard that—"

Gaara looked at him out of the corner of his eyes.

"—and Kakashi was being a total pervert, like always—"

"Naruto."

"—but Sakura-chan was amazing. She's kind of scary, though, and she has a really mean right hook—"

"Naruto."

"—dreaming of ramen. Can you imagine how much ramen that is? I—"

"Naruto!"

"What?" Naruto cut off his monologue.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh. Well, I was just telling you—"

A tiny smile curled Gaara's lips as Naruto resumed his diatribe. It was nice to see some things never changed.

"Oh, Gaara!" Naruto cut himself off, reaching out to grasp the other man's shoulder. "I have a favor to ask. Well, one last one..."

Gaara glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes.

They had finally reached Fuu's room and Gaara reached out to push it open.

It slammed backward. Both men had a second to blink before a tan and red blur barreled into them, hands thrown around Naruto's neck.

"Naruto!" The woman, Fuu, screamed. "You're alive!"

She drew back enough to cuff Naruto around the head. "Why the hell didn't you contact me? Stupid bastard, I thought something had happened to you!"

"I was in hiding, Fuu-chan!" Naruto held his arms over his head, trying to protect himself from further blows. "I couldn't!"

"No excuse!" she snapped. "Unforgivable!" She abruptly stopped hitting him, in favor of hugging him again. "I really thought you had died or _been captured_."

Naruto patted the top of her head awkwardly, his hands trapped against his sides. "Sorry, Fuu-chan. I promise it won't happen again."

"It better not!" She wagged a finger between Naruto's eyes. She turned to Gaara. "Yo, Gaara. Why don't you go get us something to celebrate with? The three of us together...this deserves a party. Oh, and have you seen Seisa anywhere? I can't find her."

"I'll keep an eye out for her," Gaara answered.

"Thanks." Fuu smiled. She rolled her eyes at Naruto. "Honestly, I can't go anywhere with her. She always disappears."

oOo

"Hey, Sasuke-kun," Sakura greeted him at the door of his room.

Sasuke nodded at her.

"Waiting for Naruto?"

A noncommittal grunt answered her.

"Um, Sasuke-kun?" Her hesitancy drew Sasuke's eyes to her. In the little time he had known her, she had never been uncertain. Rather, she was bold and confident, much like Naruto. "I was wondering if you'd accompany me to the shooting gallery. Temari-san gave me a new gun and I need some practice." She patted the bag slung around her shoulder.

The brunet pushed away from the wall. "All right."

"S-seriously?" Sakura did a double take.

Sasuke stared pointedly.

"Okay. Then let's go." She smiled.

He followed her down the hall, taking the first left they found. Sakura muttered the directions under her breath like a prayer and they soon heard the staccato sounds of gunshots steadily getting louder.

Sasuke pushed open the door for her and Sakura smiled graciously. There was only one other person there and he soon packed up and left.

Sakura set her bag on a table, unpacking the weapon. Her movements were careful and slow as she pulled the gun apart and reconstructed it. Then, she did it again.

"I want to make sure I can handle it correctly," she said, interpreting Sasuke's look.

She removed a cartridge from the bag, loading it efficiently.

Without speaking, she slipped a pair of headphones over her ears and handed Sasuke another pair. She took up a position before the target. She gripped it carefully in her right hand, her thumb and index finger resting parallel to the barrel, the other three wrapped around the butt. Cocking the gun with her left, she dropped the hand to clutch the butt underneath, raising the gun in a fluid motion. Her right arm was outstretched, the other slightly bent. She aimed for a few long seconds, right eye closed before she pushed the trigger almost casually.

Although muffled, the resulting _bang_ was enough to make Sasuke blink in surprise.

Sakura continued shooting until she ran out of bullets, then she returned to the table.

Her target had one large hole in the area where its heart should have been. On a real person, Sasuke had no doubt she would have completely destroyed the organ.

As if she had all time in the world, she pulled out the used magazine. She held up a fresh one.

"Would you like to try?"

"Hn." Sasuke held his hand out. Sakura dropped the gun and cartridge into it.

Sasuke had always been a fast learner. Usually, he had but to see something once and he could emulate it perfectly. Sakura's careful attention to detail meant he flawlessly loaded the gun and took up her previous position before the target. He held up the gun as he'd seen Sakura do it, closing one eye and aiming carefully.

The recoil caught him off-guard. His hands jerked back and he almost dropped the gun.

Unlike Sakura's perfect shot to the heart, his hit the target's left shoulder.

Sakura cracked a smile. "It takes a while to get used to. When I shot my first gun, I dropped it. For a moment, I thought it was going to fire accidentally and hit me."

"How old were you?" Sasuke asked casually.

"I was ten. I ended up with a sprained wrist by the time we were finished. I just couldn't find the right way to hold it."

"When did you join ANBU?"

Sakura's smile faded. "I guess Naruto's told you a little about that. I was fourteen when I was drafted."

"Fourteen? Not any earlier?"

Sakura shook her head. "You need to be at least twelve to join ANBU and that's just for geniuses. Anything less is too young."

_I was four-years-old when I undertook my first mission_.

"Interesting. Naruto mentioned—"

"Sasuke-kun, what's your relationship with Naruto?"

Sasuke immediately grew still. "That's none of your concern."

"No, it's not. I know it's not," she agreed. "But are you together?"

Sasuke was silent.

"Okay. I'm sorry I asked." Sakura raised her hands as if to ward off a blow and turned to leave.

"Something like that," he answered. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sakura nod. An almost sad smile faded as quickly as it appeared. When she was at the door, Sasuke called to her.

"This gun isn't new to you at all, is it."

He didn't expect an answer, but she aimed a smile over her shoulder. "No."

oOo

"Hey, Sasuke, I'm back!" Naruto crowed cheerfully as he walked into the bedroom.

There was no one there.

"Sasuke?" Naruto poked his head back outside. "Where is he?"

In the distance, he saw a pink-haired woman approaching.

"Hey, Sakura-chan!" Sakura glanced up. Naruto jogged toward her. "You seen the bastard anywhere?"

"Shooting range," she said.

"Shooting...? He doesn't know how to fire a gun."

Sakura shrugged. "Then he's a fast learner. I asked him to go with me while I practiced with a new gun. He's a natural."

"You taught him to shoot?" Naruto's tone was undecipherable.

"No," she answered honestly, her green eyes meeting his. "I didn't."

"Thanks, Sakura-chan." Naruto brushed past her.

"Naruto!"

"Hmm?"

Sakura smiled teasingly. "You shouldn't flirt with me so much in front of your boyfriend. He has a scarily good aim for a beginner."

Naruto spluttered. "He's not—We're not—I—"

Sakura laughed, waving a hand over her shoulder as she walked away.

Still red, Naruto hurried to the shooting gallery. Inside, he winced at the sharp sound of the gunshots, especially when echoed by the walls. He dashed to the table, clamping a pair of headphones over his ears. His sense of hearing relieved, Naruto observed the raven-haired man still oblivious to his presence.

Sakura was right; he _was_ a natural. Leaning against the wall, Naruto smiled as he remembered their school days. The bastard always had to be at the top of every class and receive perfect marks in everything. Naruto remembered how much he had despised Sasuke, even after they became friends; Uchiha made everything look so easy while Naruto had struggled just to keep up.

Finally, Sasuke ran out of bullets. He turned, slipping the headphones to rest around his neck.

"Naruto." He blinked in surprise. "When did you come in?"

"A while ago." The blond shrugged, walking forward.

"How was your meeting?"

Naruto laughed, "Fuu-chan's still as crazy as ever."

Sasuke smelled something sharp on Naruto's breath. "Were you drinking?"

"Fuu-chan's nuts," Naruto repeated as if the phrase answered everything.

"And she's going to escort us?" Sasuke raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

"She may be kind of crazy, but there is no better tracker than Fuu-chan!" Naruto answered defensively. "She never gets lost."

"Hn." Sasuke walked to the table and dismantled the gun. He carefully observed the pieces, tapping a finger against the wooden surface.

"What are you doing?" Naruto failed to see anything of interest. It was a gun.

"I'm considering how to fashion Chidori into an operating weapon."

"What's a Chidori?"

"The machine we used to open the vault, dumbass."

"Don't call me that! Wait, you _named_ it?"

Sasuke frowned. "No. Kakashi did."

Naruto sniggered. "_Sure_. I can just see it now. You probably curl up to it at night after I'm asleep."

"Dobe..."

"'Hi, little Chidori! How are you? I love you. Yes, I do!'"

"Jealous I prefer to cuddle up to a gun at night and not you?"

"Yeah, and you—What?"

"Well, I have to feel something hard _some _way."

"...You know, that wasn't very funny."

Sasuke smirked.

oOo

Sasori casually pocketed his cell phone.

"They're in Suna," he declared.

Eight heads turned toward him.

"How do you know?" Yahiko barked.

"A contact on the inside," Sasori said simply. "He told me they arrived last night and are leaving tonight. They are to be escorted by a woman from Waterfall through one of the hidden paths connecting Suna and Konoha."

"A woman from Waterfall?" A small note of interest crept into Yahiko's voice. "Did he happen to mention her name?"

"A nickname." Sasori leaned casually back in his chair. "Seven."

"Shichibi's in Waterfall, isn't it?" Kisame aimed his question to Kakuzu.

"Yes." Kakuzu didn't raise his head from his calculations. "Last I saw of her she was just a little girl. Should be around twenty now."

Yahiko nodded. "Well, it looks like we have a 'demon' to catch."

"It's about fucking time we did what we're here for!" Hidan slapped his hand on his desk. Kakuzu smacked him.

"It's thanks to the stolen money that we have a lead. You should remember that."

Hidan stared. "Really, Kakuzu, do you hear yourself? Just wait until Jashin-sama gets a hold of you. He'll—"

"'Throw us into hell where we'll have to eat shit, drink pus and have pikes rammed up our ass for our pagan and idol-loving ways,'" Kakuzu and Deidara chorused.

"You've already said it a few times." Kisame chuckled.

In the background, Tobi giggled. "That was a good imitation, Deidara-senpai!"

"And it's true!" Hidan turned away from them. Behind him came the sounds of Deidara trying to shove Tobi out of a window. "Fucking pagans."

A voice abruptly cut through the din.

"Things haven't changed much, have they?" Orochimaru leaned against the door, an undecipherable smile playing around his thin lips.

"I thought you left." Yahiko leaned on his arm against the table. Behind him, Hidan, Deidara, Kisame and Zetsu had stood. Hidan's eyes flickered from his pike to Orochimaru.

"I haven't cut _all_ my ties with Akatsuki." The pale man appeared amused at his reception.

Kisame snickered. "Apparently, he liked it, Itachi-san. I think he wants you to take his other arm."

Itachi ignored them, gaze trained calmly on the window.

"My condolences, Itachi." Orochimaru ignored Kisame. "It must be difficult to have your little brother involved in such matters."

There was no discernible change in Itachi's posture. His eyes, however, had hardened. He watched Orochimaru out of the corner of his eyes.

"Why are you here?" Sasori situated himself so he could snatch the back of Deidara's shirt if necessary.

"I heard and I thought I might be able to help." Orochimaru smiled. The others grew more defensive. "I know those paths. And I know of a narrowing near the Valley of the End where an ambush would be very successful."

"All right." Yahiko drummed his fingers against the table. "What do you want?"

"Just the chance to go with you. I miss this place."

"The hell he does, the creepy motherfucker," Hidan muttered. Kakuzu, surprisingly in agreement, refrained from hitting him.

"Fine. You can lead us there." Yahiko raised a hand to stop the complaints. "But you do as we tell you. One false move, any sign of betrayal, and we'll shoot you down. Is that understood?"

oOo

"No way."

Kakashi raised his gaze from the book in his hands to see a gaping woman in front of him.

She was pointing at his novel with a shaky finger. "No fucking way. You have _Icha Icha Tactics_? That doesn't come out for another month!"

"I know the author." Kakashi smiled, his visible eye crinkling.

"You lucky son of a bitch." She stared at him as if he was a god. "Tell me, does Junko finally get to satisfy her chair kink?"

"Now, what kind of man would I be if I spoiled the story for you?" Kakashi teased.

"A wonderful one!" she shot back. "Just tell me that much. Please?"

Kakashi shrugged one shoulder, turning back to the novel.

"Oh, you're odious."

The masked man smiled. The woman tapped her foot at him, hands crossed in front of her chest.

"Who are you?" Kakashi asked politely when he realized she wasn't moving away.

"_I'm_ Fuu," she specified. "My twin is Seisa. By the way, have you seen her anywhere? She looks just like me."

"No. Afraid I haven't."

"Damn," said Fuu. "I really hope no one's managed to piss her off."

"What do you mean?" Kakashi cocked his head to the side.

"She's got a...bit of a temper." Fuu shrugged. "Oh well. If she were annoyed, we'd all know about it. The fact that there aren't any screams means there's nothing to worry about."

Kakashi lowered the novel a fraction of an inch.

"I really need to find Seisa. Hey, when you're done, do you think I could borrow the novel? I've been dying for it and I promise to care for it as if it was a baby."

Kakashi smiled. "Maybe," he answered vaguely. The comment earned him a raspberry from Fuu. Chuckling, he walked away, smiling at Fuu's cheery wave. He wandered the halls looking for any of the Suna siblings. He finally spotted Temari and called to her.

"Did you need something?" Temari held a box of supplies in her arms. Kakashi reached out to take it from her, but she backed away.

"It's fine," she said. "I have it."

Kakashi nodded. "I just met Fuu. She's to be our escort, correct?"

"Yes. You were lucky she was already here. She can get in and out of anywhere."

"She mentioned a twin. Said the sister had a bit of a temper. Nothing to worry about, I hope?"

Temari's eyes widened before she quickly controlled her reaction. "Fuu can keep Seisa under control. She won't be a problem."

"What about Seven?" Temari visibly tensed at Kakashi's casual question. "It won't be a problem, will it?"

"Like I said," Temari shifted the box in her hands, "Fuu can keep Seisa under control. Now I need to take these to the workers or your cars won't get anywhere. Excuse me."

oOo

It was early evening when Gaara called everyone together.

"We've finished cleaning your cars," he said. "We've already tested their function. They'll get you through safely to Konoha. All of the money has been left intact. Fuu," he nodded to the woman who had just skidded in, "will be your escort."

"Hi." She waved to the group from Konoha before turning to Gaara. "Have you seen Seisa anywhere?"

"She just left," Gaara answered.

Fuu rolled her eyes.

Naruto crossed his arms in front of his chest, nodding wisely. Fuu never changed.

"If this Seisa will be accompanying us, I'd like to meet her," Sasuke spoke up. "I want to know who I'm dealing with."

Naruto stepped on his foot. "You don't want to meet Seisa!" he hissed, not lowering his voice as much as he should have.

"Nine?" Naruto's eyes widened comically at the nickname. "Why wouldn't he want to meet Seisa?"

Fuu's tone was very low.

"Yes, _Nine_. Why wouldn't I want to meet Seisa?" jabbed Sasuke. The look on his lover's face promised swift retribution. However, it was quickly replaced by growing panic at Fuu's darkening look. To his surprise, Sasuke watched him blanch.

"Uh, no, Fuu-chan, I didn't mean that." Naruto held his hands in front of his chest.

"Then what did you mean?" asked Fuu in that same frighteningly low voice.

"Er..."

"He meant that Sasuke could meet Seisa later," Kankurou cut in. "You know your sister likes to do things her way. You don't go meet her; she meets you."

Naruto swore to never crack another joke about Kankurou's love for make-up if that worked.

Fuu poked her tongue out of the corner of her mouth as she considered it. Suddenly, she smiled. There was a collective sigh of relief.

"I'll go get her, then." She turned on her heel and skipped out of the room.

"You should be ready to leave in three hours," Gaara continued as if there had never been an interruption. "The room behind me is a storeroom. Feel free to take anything you feel you might need. Anything else, let us know."

He and his siblings stepped aside. Kankurou flicked a light switch, the room flooding with light.

Row after row of gleaming guns. Piles of C4s. Boxes of grenades. An assortment of ropes and knives. And—

"Is that a bazooka?" Sakura actually squealed as she ran to the oversized weapon. She ran her hands over it reverently.

The three men stared at her.

Her smile slowly faded as she caught sight of the stares. "What? I like big weapons, all right? And if you dare say _anything_," she snapped when she saw Naruto's mouth open, "I will stick this up your ass."

"Promise?" Naruto leered.

Sasuke punched him before Sakura could do so.

Kakashi ignored his younger companions as he strode to one wall. He picked up a hunting knife, its edge sharpened to a gleaming point. He touched it lightly to his thumb. A stream of red bubbled up.

Nice.

The hunting knife, a coil of reinforced wire, a collection of caltrops and extra ammunition for his FAMAS were shoved into a small bag he found, which he promptly fastened around his thigh. The treasure hunt over, he leaned lazily against an assault rifle mounted on its tripod and took out his novel.

Sasuke was glancing over the weapons. He had no idea how to differentiate them and it was making him feel antsy. It was supposed to be a simple robbery and they were now stocking up on guns. And a bazooka provided Sakura won her current argument against Naruto.

He picked up a random gun, testing its weight.

"Oh, no, don't take that one." Sasuke blinked when the gun suddenly disappeared from his hands. Sakura handed him another, gray and black with a shorter, bulkier design. "You're better off with a semi-automatic. This .45 should be perfect for you."

Semi-automatic. He knew what that was. And .45 referred to the bullet used. Right?

He balanced it in his hands before adopting the pose Sakura had taught him. He didn't pull the trigger. Just in case.

"Weight okay?" Sakura smiled knowingly.

"Hn." He glanced around and again had to blink when Sakura held up a cartridge with the bullets. She was fighting back a grin.

"You load it this way," she said, easing his fingers around the gun.

Sasuke was half-irritated and half-amused. He opted for keeping a neutral face.

Naruto didn't like it. Tsunade had helped him start over when he was twelve. He'd hoped he would never have to look at another weapon, much less drag Sasuke into it. Now, Sasuke was learning how to shoot and being outfitted with the same weapons Naruto had nightmares with.

He snorted. It was just like him to rush into things without consideration.

Walking to a corner, he touched an assault rifle assembled there. He could list every detail about it asleep. Model Mk. 16, thirty rounds per clip, rate of fire of 600 rounds per minute, lightweight and durable frame and fitted with an FN EGLM 40mm grenade launcher.

When he blinked, he found himself aiming at the oblivious Sasuke and Sakura. His finger was itching around the trigger.

His hands wrenched back as if burned.

As he backed away, he caught sight of Kakashi's single eye following his movement carefully. His forefinger tapped a beat against his chin. Naruto had little difficulty deciphering the Morse code.

_I will stop you_.

Naruto had no idea whether it was a threat or a promise.

Then again, in his case, there was no difference.


	5. I Shot the Albatross

_Tell me what you did, where you gone and hid  
Show me what you really want, was it what you got  
Tell me what you know   
Tell me what you gone and done now_

-"Just to Get High," Nickelback

* * *

"An orange Glock. An _orange_ Glock." Sakura stared at the weapon in Naruto's hands as if it was about to bite her. "An _orange Glock_."

In sharp contrast to her horror, Naruto was over the moon.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" he gushed. He stared at Gaara as if the Kazekage was God.

Gaara raised and dropped a shoulder in his version of a shrug.

Kakashi smirked behind his novel. He wasn't surprised when they finally left the stockroom and Naruto had no weapon with him. It wasn't like he really needed it.

Gaara, however, had surprised the loudmouth with a simple gun in his favorite color.

Kakashi would probably have to deal with an obnoxious Naruto waving his gun around like a prize until they reached Konoha.

He briefly debated the pros and cons of knocking his subordinate out. The pros were far outweighing the cons. He subtly positioned himself within striking range.

"Hey, Sakura-chan! If you ask nicely, I'm sure you can get a bubblegum pink one!"

Or he could just let the only woman on their team brain Naruto with his own gun. That worked too.

Speaking of which, Sakura and Sasuke spent a lot of time hitting Naruto. Kakashi wondered if it was a good stress-reliever.

Gaara politely waited until Sakura had finished smacking Naruto. "Due to the terrain you will be traversing, you will all be traveling in the van. The Gallardo would find it impossible to cross. Fuu will be driving you. Seisa," Gaara nodded to Fuu just as she opened her mouth, "has apparently gone on ahead. If there's anything worrisome, she will contact you."

Fuu's mouth snapped shut. She rolled her eyes.

Naruto grinned. Temari hid a smirk behind her hand. Shaking his head slightly, Kankurou sighed.

Sakura leaned into Sasuke. "Is it just me or is there something weird about this twin?"

Sasuke lowered his chin in a fraction of a nod.

Kakashi bopped them both on the head with his novel. "Here's a suggestion. It'll keep you happy for the rest of your life. Don't ask questions you don't want answered."

The two stared blankly at him.

"Well," Kakashi smiled, his eye narrowing into a cheerful crescent, "shall we get moving?"

oOo

Gaara remained at the mouth of the cavern, watching the distant horizon. The van was a dark speck before it finally disappeared.

Behind him, Kankurou sighed. Temari nudged him.

"Miss your girlfriend already?" Kankurou shot her a glare that promised death. Temari smirked. "Smashing puppets is a sign of affection, you know."

"Maybe next time I should give her your fan?" Kankurou threatened.

Temari grinned wickedly. "But you're the one she adores. No need to worry, little Kankurou. Your older sister gives her blessing."

Out of the corner of his eye, Gaara saw Yuura draw away. The council member's eyes flickered over those assembled before he quietly turned and left. Ignoring his bickering siblings, Gaara's gaze narrowed slightly.

Yuura slunk through the halls. He traversed the stone tunnels as quickly as he could without drawing attention. His path inclined upward and soon he could spot an ever-growing beam of light. When he stepped outside, his body started in reaction to the abrupt change in temperature. He was at the top of the mountain that housed the main cavern. The land surrounding the mountain was an ever-shifting sea of sand.

Following the storm, the sands had shifted. New dunes had risen. Flat paths led through once tall waves of sand. The sky was a darkening opal, unmarred by clouds. Glancing around, he was certain he was completely alone.

He slid open his cell phone, thumb pressing into the key marked "1". He never had to wait long. Barely had the first ring died that a voice answered. "_Have they left?_"

"Yes, they have."

"_What road will they be taking?_"

"I'm not sure, Sasori-sama." Yuura held one hand over his mouth, as if to hide the words spilling out. "One heading past the Valley of the End."

"_That'll be all for now._" Sasori hung up abruptly. Yuura's phone blinked at him. _00:08. Call ended_. Pocketing his phone, he cast one last look around him and headed back into the tunnels.

Once the echoing sound of footsteps died away, Gaara disentangled himself from the shadows of a small side tunnel. His hooded eyes watched Yuura hurry away.

oOo

"Why the hell haven't we killed him yet?"

Itachi glanced out the Escalade's window in a bored fashion. Kisame drove. In the backseat, Sasori checked his watch, Deidara blew his bangs out of his face and Tobi chattered inanely. Tobi had somehow managed to procure a garish orange mask with only one eyehole. A mask over a mask. Itachi went back to observing the increasingly wild vegetation.

Kisame chuckled at Deidara's question. "You mean Tobi or Orochimaru?"

"Both, un."

"B-b-but, Deidara-senpai! Tobi always tries his best!" Tobi blubbered. "Has Tobi done something that displeases you?!"

Deidara's eye twitched.

"Control yourself, Deidara," warned Sasori. "We cannot arrive late because you had to bury a body."

"By the time I'm done with him, danna," Deidara smirked, "there won't _be_ a body to bury."

"I know what we need!" Tobi's finger shot up, narrowly avoiding Deidara and almost hitting the roof of the car. "Music!"

That declared, Tobi dove into the space between the driver and passenger seats. As Deidara had the bad luck of sitting in the middle, he abruptly found himself with a lap full of Tobi. The explosives expert yelped in shock.

Oblivious to Deidara's suddenly murderous aura, Tobi's hand fumbled with the radio's buttons, simultaneously tuning it on and cranking up the volume. A heavy metal song blared through the speakers.

"Aah!" Tobi lurched back, hands over his ears. Deidara shrieked louder as Tobi's bottom pressed painfully down into a sensitive spot on his lower torso. "Too loud for Tobi! Too loud for Tobi!"

"Tobi!" Deidara hollered over the music. "If you don't turn that off and get the fuck off me, I will blow your ass into kingdom come!"

"Oi, careful with the gear shift!" Kisame held a protective hand over the object. Itachi closed his eyes, rubbing them slowly. Sasori sat very still, glaring bloody murder at his seatmates.

"Sorry! Sorry! Tobi will fix this!" Tobi fiddled with the station dial, but did not lower the volume.

"—_BEST THING ABOUT BEING A WOMAN IS THE PREROGATIVE TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN. OH, OH, OH_— "

"TOBI! What the FUCK is _this_ shit?!"

"That's Shania Twain, senpai!"

"_TOBI_!"

"—_YOU SPIN MY HEAD RIGHT ROUND, RIGHT ROUND, WHEN YOU GO DOWN, WHEN YOU GO DOWN, DOWN_—"

"What does that mean? She's going down where?"

"You have two seconds to turn it off before I flay you and make your bodies into puppets."

"—_TO THE WINDOW! TO THE WALL! __TO THE SWEAT DROP DOWN MY BALLS! ALL__ THESE BITCHES CRAWL_—"

"Heh. I haven't heard this song in years. Brings back memories."

"Kisame, change it. Now."

"—_ALL THE BOYS AND ALL THE GIRLS ARE BEGGING TO IF YOU SEEK AMY_—"

"If you dare start singing, I will strangle you."

"It's a good song, senpai! CAN'T YOU SEE—Ack!"

"I told you to be careful of the gear shift!"

"Okay, okay, senpai! I'll change it! I'll change it!"

"—_YOU, NOW I SEE, EVEN WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES. WITH YOU_—"

"Oh, this is the Reanimation mix! This is a good—"

"Too loud for Tobi! Too loud for Tobi!"

"Tobi, don't you fucking dare—!"

"—_OH, MICKEY, YOU'RE SO FINE, YOU'RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND_—"

"Oh! This is Tobi's _favorite_ song!"

"CHANGE IT! KILL IT! GET RID OF IT!"

"NOOOOOOO! NOT TOBI'S SONG!"

"I'm going to kill all of you if we're late."

"Tobi, the gearshift!"

"That's enough."

Everyone quelled under the force of Itachi's command.

"If we leave the song on, will you sit back?" he asked Tobi. The masked man nodded his head enthusiastically.

"Fine. Leave it."

"WHAT?! You—" The rest of Deidara's indignant yell got lodged in his throat at Itachi's dark look.

Tobi, finally off Deidara's lap, buckled his seatbelt and began humming along with the song. Deidara had a strong desire to break something.

Kisame finally pulled over shortly after. He, Itachi and Sasori immediately dove out of the car. Before Deidara could make his escape, Tobi seized him.

"Senpai! Oh senpai, senpai, listen!" Tobi was almost tittering in joy as the first strains of the Spice Girls' "Wannabe" filtered through the air. Hauling Deidara to his chest, Tobi began singing, "IF YOU WANT MY FUTURE, FORGET MY PAAAAST!"

Sasori slammed the door on Deidara's anguished yell. Kisame and Itachi walked to the SUV's trunk and opened the door. Both blinked when they saw Tobi bouncing in his seat, his arm locked around Deidara's neck. As they watched, Tobi turned to face Deidara and he doubled his bounces. It looked like he was humping Deidara.

"And I thought Hidan cuddling his pike was disturbing," Kisame muttered. Itachi grabbed his bag and tossed Kisame's to him. He also grabbed one of the lanterns. The sun was rapidly setting and they would soon need the artificial light. Kisame slammed the trunk door on the scarring sight in the backseat.

They joined the others, grouped around Yahiko. Beside him was the blue-haired woman from the bank. Konan, Itachi remembered.

"They really want their money, don't they, Itachi-san?" Kisame nodded to the woman. Itachi did not answer.

Yahiko glanced over them quickly, frowning when he noticed two were missing. "Where are Deidara and Tobi?"

Kisame, Itachi and Sasori pointed to the SUV, now shaking to the force of Tobi's bounces. Deidara's please for mercy could be dimly heard.

Yahiko sighed. "I'll handle it. Meanwhile, the rest of you, begin setting up a blockade. I want this road sealed off and completely impenetrable. Understand?"

A chorus of "Yes, Yahiko-sama" greeted him.

Itachi shouldered his bag and began walking in the direction they had come.

"Itachi-san? Where are you going?" Kisame fell into step beside him. It was a sign of how long they had been partners that Kisame neither tried to stop Itachi nor reminded him about their orders. Itachi had strange flashes of insight, ones that almost bordered on clairvoyance. He could predict anyone's movement within minutes of meeting him or her.

More than once Kisame had tried to convince Itachi to play the lottery or accompany him to a casino to see if that same ability to predict also applied to inanimate objects.

"Shichibi is a tracker," Itachi explained. "She will notice the blockade and veer off."

Kisame glanced at the solid walls of green bordering the dirt track. "Veer off where?"

Itachi continued walking. Approximately a minute later, he paused, examining the ground to his left. He stepped off the track and pushed aside some vines. Kisame followed.

The taller man blinked. In front of his feet was a small dirt path, just big enough for a medium-sized vehicle to scrape through. He whistled.

"How did you know about this?"

"I've traversed these paths." Setting his bag on the floor, Itachi removed a package from it. He opened it, dropping the small objects inside without any discernible order.

Fishing around in his bag, Kisame found a flashlight and turned it on. The white beam glinted off the dozens of caltrops now decorating the path.

"How do you know they'll come this way?" Kisame asked curiously.

His task finished, Itachi tucked the empty package inside his bag. "Because we taught Fuu," he said enigmatically. "Radio the others. Tell them we'll remain here and attack from behind."

oOo

"—_OH MICKEY, WHAT A PITY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU TAKE ME BY THE HEART WHEN YOU_—"

Fuu sang along at the top of her voice, bobbing her head to the rhythm. Every once in a while, she would slap the steering wheel or her ever-present scarlet bag to the beat.

Sakura and Sasuke stared at her. Simultaneously, they turned to Naruto with identical, pointed looks, Sakura craning around in the passenger seat, Sasuke glaring at him from his position beside him. Naruto continued fiddling with one of the bags filled with money. Sasuke elbowed him.

"Huh? What is it?" Naruto blinked.

"Can you tell your friend to lower the volume?" Sasuke forced through gritted teeth.

"What?" Naruto asked a little louder. "Oh, wait." His hands rose to his ears. Sasuke and Sakura gaped at the earplugs he removed from the orifices.

"What do you want?" He beamed.

"…Can I shoot him?" Sakura's eye twitched.

"Provided you don't kill him," answered Sasuke. "I want that pleasure for myself."

"Hmm? Is there something of interest?" Kakashi set his novel on his lap, pulling a set of earplugs from his ears.

Sakura's and Sasuke's jaw fell open.

"How did—?" Sakura spluttered.

"I knew I'd be riding with Naruto." Kakashi shrugged.

"Oi! What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on, pink!" Fuu threw an arm around Sakura's neck, hauling her to the other woman. "Sing with me! _Oh what you do, Mickey! Do, Mickey! Don't break my heart, Mickey!_"

Sakura's glare dared her companions to comment. Kakashi raised his novel over his face. Sasuke rested his back against the metal wall, staring at the ceiling. Naruto sniggered.

The radio DJ announced the Oldies Hour, playing a Spice Girls song next. As if on cue, Naruto and Kakashi popped in their earplugs. Sasuke tried to ignore the off-key singing, but a particularly high-pitched warble had him jumping Naruto and trying to take the earplugs by force.

"What the fuck is your problem?!"

"Give me the damn things!"

"Yare, yare, can you save the lover's quarrel for when you're in private?"

"Oi! Let go of my hair!"

"Let go of my nipples, dumbass!"

"Oh my…" Sakura was staring, her mouth widening into a creepily happy grin.

"Shit!" Fuu slammed the brakes. Naruto and Sasuke fell, hitting the back of the driver's seat. Kakashi barely managed to remain seated. One of the bags fell on top of him. Sakura abruptly jolted back into her seat, the seatbelt cutting into her shoulder and neck.

Naruto groaned. He felt a punch dig into his side. "Wha—oh shit! Sorry, Sasuke!" He abruptly got off the dark-haired man, his elbow jerking back from where it had been cutting off Sasuke's air. Sasuke gasped, his hand massaging his neck.

"What happened?" Kakashi called.

"Seisa noticed a blockade ahead." Fuu's orange eyes ran over the vegetation to their right.

"How do you know?" Sakura stared at her. "When did she contact you?"

"Here!" Fuu veered to the right. Naruto hit the van's left wall. Sasuke rammed into him. Kakashi and three of the bags followed. All air escaped Naruto in one swoop.

Sakura seized her seatbelt to keep from falling into Fuu. She barely glimpsed a different path opening head of them when a strong explosion to the side jolted them, the van careening out of control.

Propped against a tree, Kisame lowered the bazooka. He grinned as he eyed the hole now decorating that van's back left corner.

"We need them alive," Itachi reminded him.

"I didn't kill them." Kisame set the weapon on the ground, calmly dismantling it. "After all, your little brother is in there."

Itachi dug his radio from his pocket, raising it to his lips. The rustle of bushes caught his attention. His eyes flickered to see a grinning Hidan come crashing toward them.

"They're still alive, right? Tell me they're still alive."

"Control yourself, Hidan." Kakuzu scowled behind him.

"Oh, fuck off, you son of a bitch. This is the first time I've seen action in months."

"Did you two follow us?" Kisame chuckled. "Like us that much?"

"You wish, motherfucker." Hidan scoffed. "Itachi's always where the blood is."

"So you like _him_? Itachi-san, I think he dreams about you."

"You calling me a fag, you little shit?"

Kakuzu pulled a grenade from his belt. Calmly, he pulled the pin off and tossed the egg-shaped object. It landed just inside the hole Kisame had left, rolling beside one of the tossed bags.

Kakashi's eye widened. "Get out!"

Sakura threw her body against her door to open it. Fuu followed, hauling her bag with her. Kakashi shoved Naruto and Sasuke out ahead of him and barely managed to slam the door shut before the grenade exploded.

"Motherfuckers!" Fuu screamed, shooting at the Akatsuki members. She ducked away when they returned fire.

"All this trouble and our money just blew up! What the hell?!" Sakura voiced everyone's opinion. Naruto bit his lower lip.

"Those are darts," Kakashi observed. The gazes of his younger companions followed his to a tree that had received the brunt of the attack. There were numerous bullet holes, but there were also three needles, their ends decorated by a scarlet tuft.

Fuu dove forward and wrenched one free. She barely managed to reach the safety of the van before more bullet holes were decorating the ground.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sakura hissed. "You could have been killed!"

"Hold this for me, pink." Fuu tossed her gun to Sakura who fumbled with it before grabbing it safely. The green-haired woman sniffed the tip experimentally. Immediately, she threw it away from her, as if it was about to explode.

"It's the serum," she said to Naruto. His blue eyes widened.

"We need to get away from here."

"Dead over captured," Fuu recited.

"You four run." Kakashi pulled his FAMAS out, slinging it across his chest. "I'll cover for you."

"This is the Akatsuki." The five paused, listening. "You're surrounded. Surrender now and we will not employ lethal force."

"Too late for that!" Fuu screamed back. Naruto and Sakura clapped their hands over her mouth.

Kakuzu continued, "Just give us Seven and we would be willing to strike a deal with the rest of you."

Fuu grew very still.

"Fucking bastards," Naruto cursed under his breath.

"You have until the count of three. Just give us Seven now."

"Why do they want her?" Sasuke asked quietly. Kakashi shook his head.

Naruto grabbed Fuu's hand, squeezing it tightly. "Fuck off!" he yelled.

A disturbing cackle reached them. "Hey, motherfuckers! Make a wish!"

Sakura, peeking around the edge, scowled. "Does _everyone_ have a bazooka except for me?" When the rest stared at her, her eyes widened. "Oh, fuck. Bazooka!"

They dove forward and away from the van just as another explosion rocked the vehicle. Sasuke stumbled into Fuu.

"I see you!" Hidan screamed.

"Sasuke! Fuu!" Naruto yelled. Hidan fired. A wide grin crossed his face as the green-haired woman collapsed, a hand clapping to her side.

"Fuu!" Sakura dove in front of Fuu and Sasuke, firing randomly. Naruto seized their escort, hauling her back. Kakashi provided cover fire as the four stumbled back and into the darkness of the trees.

Naruto had Fuu's arm slung around his shoulders as they half-limped, half-ran. Sakura had removed her vest and was holding it tightly to Fuu's side.

"We need to set her down," Sakura was saying. "I have to stop the bleeding."

"Naruto?" Fuu asked softly, orange eyes wide. She was shaking.

"Oh, shit." Naruto dropped her arm. He shook her lightly. "Fuu-chan, stay with us, okay? You can do this. You'll be fine. You're strong and-and you can handle this and you _don't need Seisa_."

"What are you—?" Sakura frowned in question, green eyes flickering between Naruto and Fuu.

Kakashi ran a finger over the cloth-wrapped package in his holster.

"It _hurts_." Fuu gasped. Her side was shiny with the slippery dark fluid. The stain had already spread to her skirt. The white of her shirt was dissolving under the scarlet onslaught.

Her hand rose from the wound. She stared at her stained palm, wide-eyed.

"Fuu-chan, keep calm."

Fuu's head dropped slightly.

"Fuu-chan—"

Her fingers curled around Naruto's wrist in a vice-like grip. She shoved Naruto against Sakura.

"Hey!" Sakura yelped. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Sakura, don't." Naruto's tone was indecipherable. "You wanted to know her twin, right? _That's_ Seisa."

At his words, Fuu's head snapped toward him.

"Nine!" She smiled. There was something feral about her grin, something inhuman. Her eyes glowed yellow.

"Nine?" Sasuke repeated. Fuu, no, _Seisa_ cocked her head at him.

"Yes, Nine. Our name for him. For his fun side."

"Seisa, we need Fuu," Naruto interrupted her quickly. "Bring her back."

"Can't, Nine." Her grin stretched until it was a parody of humor. "You know the rules. Fuu is hurt so her precious onee-san has to protect her."

"_Why are you crying?"_

_He pressed a pudgy hand to the glass. His breath ghosted over the surface._

_The girl raised her pale green head. She looked a little older than him. Her face was stained with tear tracks. _

"_They took my sister away," she whispered._

"_Why?"_

_She sniffed. "A man was being mean to me. Seisa cut his throat."_

Sasuke blinked, the crying child transfiguring into the malevolent adult.

"Who did it?" Seisa whispered.

"Seisa, bring Fuu back." Naruto stepped forward, standing in front of Sakura and Sasuke. The brunet realized he was using himself as a shield.

Sakura's eyes flickered between Naruto and Seisa. Her hand rose slowly to the gun at her hip. A sharp shake from Kakashi stopped her.

_Back away_, he mouthed. He motioned for Sasuke to draw away.

"_Who_ did _it_?" The yellow light in Seisa's eyes burned brighter.

Sasuke refused, moving closer to Naruto.

"Fuu, Seisa. I need to talk to Fuu."

"Sasuke, step back right now!" Kakashi hissed just loud enough for Sasuke to hear. The back of Sasuke's inky black hair answered him.

"Who. Shot. Her."

"Sasuke-kun!"

"I won't tell you." Naruto met her eyes.

There was the briefest pause.

A sound of thunder crashing made Sasuke stumble back. When he blinked, Naruto had tackled Seisa to the ground. His eyes were cobalt slits, his body tense with the effort of keeping her down.

"Get away from here!" he yelled. His voice was rougher. "NOW!"

"Let go of me!" Seisa shrieked. She swept one hand like a claw. Four harsh lines appeared on Naruto's neck, red bubbling up.

Without thinking, Sasuke grabbed his gun. His hands were shaking, the gun twitching as he tried to aim at Seisa's head.

"NO!" Naruto threw himself further over the woman, enduring more blows, but effectively shielding her.

"You idiot! Get off her!" Sasuke tried to circle around them. He felt an arm encircle his neck, almost cutting off his air. Another wrenched the gun from his hands.

"Unless you want to die right now, you are leaving," Kakashi hissed. Without bothering to wait for answer, he dragged the squirming and fighting Sasuke away.

Sakura stared at them wide-eyed.

"Move." Kakashi brushed past her.

"But, what about Naru—"

"He is the only who can face Seisa and live. But he can't do that if he has to worry about us. We'll keep moving. They'll catch up."

Sakura hesitated. She glanced back.

Naruto had managed to roll Seisa in the opposite direction. He was sitting on her, pinning her legs down and trying to keep her hands on the ground. Her torso kept twisting. Naruto arched back to avoid a bite aimed at his neck and redoubled his efforts to keep her pinned. It looked like he was assaulting her.

"Sakura!" She jumped at the sharp call from Kakashi.

"Dammit, Kakashi, let go off me!" Sasuke was writhing much like Seisa. "Naruto!"

Naruto didn't hear the scream, too focused on trying to bring Fuu back.

There were only two ways to do so. The first was to let her kill whatever was hurting her. They couldn't let her approach Akatsuki. Not while they had the serum.

The second was to beat her into exhaustion. But that ran the risk of prompting the other stages—and triggering his own lapse.

"Come on, Fuu!" Naruto tried a different technique. "Your sister is being a bitch! Come out and tell her to control herself!"

"I am in control!" Seisa hissed.

"Fuu—!"

Sasuke forced himself to grow still. "What's going on, Kakashi? What's wrong with her?"

Kakashi relaxed his grip. "She's—"

Sasuke dug his elbow into Kakashi's solar plexus. His foot dug harshly onto the gray-haired man's. Wrenching free, he dove forward.

"Naruto!"

The man in question looked up. His eyes widened. "No, Sasuke, don't come near—!"

His hands loosened their grip.

Seisa wrenched one hand free. Her palm slammed into Naruto's sternum, throwing him off her. She turned, landing on all fours, and dove for Sasuke.

Her hand, fingers clawed, snagged his shirt. Rivulets of red decorated the tanned skin.

Sasuke swallowed, his lungs seizing. Cold radiated down his spine.

"Na-Naruto?"

Seisa's hand had gone through Naruto's body. The silence was unbroken, but for Naruto's harsh breaths.

"Naruto?"

Sasuke stared at the hand, those fingers curled. Uncomprehending.

Naruto's hand twitched at his side.

"Naruto!" Sakura screamed. She moved to run forward, but Kakashi grabbed her roughly, pulling her back. One hand rose to his eye patch.

_Don't lose control, kid. Don't lose control._

Naruto's hand twitched again. With painful slowness it rose, grabbing Seisa's arm. He jerked it sharply out of his abdomen.

Seisa began struggling anew, but a different emotion distorted her features. Fear.

Naruto pulled her hand to the side, holding it up. Posing for a waltz. His hand slid up the tan skin, closing around her slender wrist.

A sharp crack made Sasuke jump. Seisa's shriek followed. Almost casually, Naruto flung her away. She slammed against a tree, a rag doll collapsing into herself. The tree cracked.

Before she could straighten, Naruto had jumped her.

Sasuke felt his eyes widen. This…this wasn't Naruto. This wasn't even _human_. There was no way a human could possibly shatter a tree with a punch, or crater the earth or draw that much blood with their nails. Those snarls…those were the snarls of a monster.

Seisa was becoming more and more animalistic. Naruto was visibly stronger, but she was much faster, much more lithe. She seemed to prefer attacks from above and quickly scrambled up trees, boulders, whatever she could find to jump Naruto again.

"Naruto!" Sasuke screamed just as Naruto repeated Seisa's former move. The base of his palm slammed into the woman's sternum. Unlike Seisa's attack, this one was followed by a disturbing crack.

Seisa collapsed, her hand rising to her chest. Her mouth opened, drawing in a shuddering breath. There was a faint whistle every time she breathed, as if her trachea was closing in on her—or something was pressing into it. She blinked and her eyes were orange again.

"Na-Naruto?" she whispered. It was Fuu's voice.

Naruto's lips curled away from his mouth. His hand, stained scarlet, glinted in the moonlight.

He was going to _kill_ her.

"NARUTO!" The name sounded like it was ripped from the depths of Sasuke's body. The tone was as commanding as he could make it, a warning underlying it.

To his shock, Naruto stilled. His body shook, the hand lowering slowly, so very slowly. He dropped to all fours beside Fuu. His eyes were shadowed by his bangs.

Fuu was staring at Sasuke in terror.

"Naruto?" Sasuke repeated calmly. His throat felt like it was about to close on him any second.

The yellow-haired man shook his head. A hand passed over his face.

"Fuu? What—?" Naruto stared at his hand for a moment. He sniffed. "Fuu—?"

Fuu was still staring at Sasuke, her eyes too wide on her ashen face.

Without warning, Naruto turned on his heel and ran into the copse of trees.

"Dammit! Naruto!" Before anyone could stop him, Sasuke followed. He ignored the yells behind him, focusing his energy on catching up to Naruto.

The brilliant moon made it easy to follow the trail of blood. Sasuke's heart pounded against his ribs. Every breath felt like sucked through a film of water.

He followed the splashes of red like a drowning man.

"Dammit, usuratonkachi." Sasuke ran under the trees, avoiding snagging branches and cutting leaves. "What the hell's wrong with you?"

"_They tooked one of my friends."_

Sasuke snagged his foot on a root. He tripped, but managed to regain balance before he fell.

"What—?"

"You ought to be more careful, Sasuke-kun. You never know what you'll find in a forest like this."

Sasuke fisted his spare gun, aiming immediately in the direction of the sound.

"You need to put that away. You could hurt yourself."

The voice came from a different direction. The gun wrenched to the side.

"Come out!" Sasuke called out. His eyes were narrowed, trying to discern any movement.

A figure, pale and thin, detached itself from the shadows. Golden irises surrounded crescent pupils.

"Hello, Sasuke-kun." The man leered.

Sasuke didn't lower his weapon. "Who the fuck are you?" he spat.

"My name is Orochimaru. I believe you could use my assistance."

Sasuke scoffed. "I don't think so."

"Naruto-kun is acting strangely, isn't he?" Orochimaru's voice adopted a bemused tone. "Such violence. Almost inhuman."

A bullet sank into the tree behind Orochimaru, grazing his ear as it did so.

"Do _not_ talk about Naruto as if you know him," warned Sasuke quietly.

"Oh, but I do know him!" Orochimaru ignored the slight bleeding from the torn cartilage of his earlobe. "But I suppose an Uchiha would know him best. Your family made him, after all."

"What?" Sasuke wanted to put a bullet through the sycophantic smile for daring to speak about his family. But he couldn't deny the feeling of intrigue that suddenly took root.

Orochimaru's smile widened. "In Konoha, you may find something of interest in the grounds bordering the Nakano River. Something about your family…and Naruto-kun."

"What the hell are you talking about? What do you know about my family?"

The gun aimed higher when Orochimaru began to step toward him. With a speed Sasuke could not have predicted, the man surged forward. Sasuke shot, but the bullet went wide. He felt a fist sink into his stomach and Sasuke reflexively curled around the blow. The gun fell from his grasp. In those few seconds, he felt a bite as if of three pinpricks break the skin of his left shoulder. Something was pushed under the skin, something bitingly cold.

With a cry of pain, Sasuke collapsed, clapping one hand over the area. He glanced up through tearing eyes to see Orochimaru tuck a strange gun into his coat. The barrel was transparent and ended in three needles.

"When you need help, feel free to seek me out. That is a parting gift. You'll need it when facing Naruto-kun."

A jolt of pain lacerated his shoulder and neck. Sasuke could only glare through furious eyes as Orochimaru walked away.

oOo

Sakura knelt by Fuu, attempting to staunch the bleeding. With every breath the green-haired woman took, the edges of the hole fluttered.

"Sasuke." Fuu suddenly gasped. "Is he an Uchiha?"

"Yes," Sakura answered. "Lay back, Fuu. You don't want to make the wound worse."

"N-no." Fuu struggled to stand. "We-we need to keep him away from Naruto."

"Away from Naruto? Why?" Sakura's hands stilled.

"He'll hurt Naruto."

"Hurt Naruto? _Hurt Naruto_?" Pale hands clenched tightly into fists. "You're the one who hurt Naruto!"

"No, I d-didn't. I _wouldn't_." Fuu shook her head.

"Then why do you think he has a hole in his side? Who do you think did that?!"

"Sakura..." Kakashi warned.

"Seisa lost control." Fuu's eyes widened. "She had never done that before, attack a friend. She won't—"

"There isn't a Seisa, Fuu!" Sakura half-screamed. "That was you!"

"Sakura!" Kakashi grabbed her shoulder, but she shook him off.

"I-I wouldn't—"

"Whose blood do you think this is?" Sakura waved the back of Fuu's hand in front of the frozen eyes. "Where is Seisa? Call her here! Make her show up!"

"Sakura, don't!"

"S-Seisa...Seisa!" Fuu called out shakily. When no one responded, she visibly shook. "Seisa!"

"There _is_ no Seisa." Sakura didn't know why she was so angry or why she was so desperate to make this woman understand. "It was you. It was always you."

"No!" Fuu's hands slammed into Sakura's chest. She fell into Kakashi's arms, winded and dizzy. Fuu knelt on the grass, her head against her knees, her hands clenched around her hair. "I didn't. I didn't. I didn't kill him. It was Seisa. It was Seisa. She was just trying to protect me."

Fuu felt something sticky against her right temple and she lowered her hand. It glistened in the moonlight, dark and macabre.

_Someone was in the way._

She was angry, so angry. She needed to make someone hurt.

_He wouldn't let her go._

_Who did it?_

And then...and then...

_The man stared at her, choking on his own blood. He gurgled, more of the thick liquid dribbling down his chin, painting vivid crimson tattoos on his pale skin._

"_Demonio. Seis A._"

Fuu screamed.

And Akatsuki was upon them.

oOo

The sound of falling water grew stronger. The air grew more and more moist with step Sasuke took.

He was running on pure adrenaline. His right hand continued to clutch his left shoulder. Spikes of pain radiated from the area. From what he could glimpse by craning his neck, an unsightly bruise had been left behind. Every once in a while a particularly strong jolt sent him reeling to his knees. Gritting his teeth, he fought his way forward.

The first thing he would do after finding Naruto was punch him.

"We're just going to steal a few millions. In and out. No problem." Sasuke bit his lower lip to keep from crying out at a particularly sharp laceration of pain. "I am going to kill him. Ah!"

Another jolt arced down his spine. He fell on a rocky ground, clear of grass and shrubs. A faint mist curled around the area. The deafening rumble of falling water assaulted his ears. Looking up, he glimpsed a towering waterfall, guarded on either side by stone figures. The full moon lent the scene an almost surreal aura. Pearly-white light, off-white mist, devastatingly white foam, silver-white rocks.

It was too easy to find the droplets of blood. Dark slashes across the silvered pebbles, looking oddly like a flower Sasuke had once found as a child. Milkweed.

He tried to call out, but his voice was trapped somewhere between his throat and his heart.

The mist continued to dance in lazy circles, revealing as much as it hid. Finally, he noticed a dark figure slumped against the base of the cliff. Wincing as he ran, he collapsed next to Naruto. Tiny droplets of water burned his too-hot skin.

"Hey, dumbass." Sasuke softly punched the other's shoulder. "Still alive?" The careless tone masked his fear.

"Get away from me, Sasuke." Naruto's voice was monotonous.

"Like hell you can tell me what to do," Sasuke responded sharply. "We're leaving."

"Get. Away."

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's arm.

"_Get away_!"

Something cold dripped down Sasuke's spine. Naruto's eyes, such a vivid blue, were scarlet.

His mouth had gone dry, but Sasuke met those strange eyes that weren't Naruto's eyes. "No."

When he touched Naruto, the younger man flinched. Sasuke grabbed his chin, aiming Naruto's face to meet his. "I don't know what the fuck your problem is. But you're even more stupid than I thought if you think I'm just going to leave you here. So stop being such a fucking girl and get up. We're not out of this yet." He finished his diatribe by shaking Naruto roughly. When his hands closed around Naruto's neck—to shake him, strangle him or just keep him from running again—Naruto blinked and his eyes were a brilliant and pale blue.

"Come on, dobe." Sasuke slung Naruto's arm around his shoulders. They stood. Through sheer force of will, Sasuke ignored the pain threatening to overcome him. "We need to find the others."

"You were right again, Itachi-san."

Sasuke froze. Naruto turned as much as he could.

Two men stood behind them. The taller one was grinning, revealing oddly pointed teeth. His skin had a strange pale blue-gray cast to it. There was something fierce about him, almost animalistic.

The one next to him had black hair tied away from his face and even darker eyes. Naruto thought he noticed some similarities to Sasuke in his facial structure and the eyes. The eyes were almost identical, if not for the fact that his eyes were completely cold and unreadable.

"Is that your little brother?" Animal Man continued.

Scary Sasuke lowered his chin a fraction of an inch. "Hello, little brother."

Naruto felt Sasuke begin to shake. His hands were balled into fists. Finally, Sasuke turned around.

"Itachi," he enunciated carefully, forcing the word through gritted teeth.

"Itachi? That's your brother?" Naruto looked from Sasuke to his brother. Itachi's black eyes settled on Naruto.

"Uzumaki Naruto? The man you've been cohabiting with is Naruto-kun?"

"How do you know Naruto?" Sasuke snapped.

"Huh?" Naruto asked at the same time as Sasuke spoke.

"Naruto-kun, I'm afraid you will have to come with us," Itachi continued as if there had never been any interruption.

"He's one?" Animal Man examined Naruto carefully.

"Nine, Kisame."

Naruto immediately stepped back. Sasuke glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes. The grin that spread across Kisame's face was absolutely gleeful.

"A challenge, eh?" Kisame chuckled. "No offense, kid. It's just our job."

"Come with us. We won't hurt you." Itachi's voice was completely monotonous.

"And what about the van?" Naruto yelled.

"An accident," Itachi replied simply. Kisame shrugged, still beaming.

Sasuke had no weapon. He had never been able to defeat Itachi in a physical fight. And he also had that Kisame to be wary of. Naruto was still bleeding profusely. He certainly could not fight, not without aggravating his wound. Even if he tried to distract his brother and his brother's partner, Naruto could not run much further. Then there was Naruto's ridiculous bravado. He wouldn't run from a fight unless Sasuke dragged him off by his hair.

The waterfall thundered behind them. Sasuke eyed the water's cool, frothing surface.

They would not be able to outrun Itachi and Kisame, but maybe the current could drag them far enough. But Naruto's wound...

They could not be captured.

Tightening his hold on Naruto, Sasuke prepared himself to jump into the water.

A smoke bomb exploded between him and Naruto and the two Akatsuki. Sasuke started. Was that...a dog barking? Abruptly, the sound of gunshots shattered the stillness. Sasuke dropped to the ground, shielding Naruto. The yellow-haired man clutched his ridiculous Glock. The hand that aimed was steady.

The smoke curled around a bulky figure. Sasuke's hand closed around a rock. The moonlight shone on the fair features.

"Hinata!" Naruto gasped.

The woman flushed scarlet. "H-hello, Naruto-kun. Are you all right?"

"Where's that idiot?" A voice boomed from the smoke. A wild-looking man with triangular tattoos on his cheeks jumped forward. A massive white dog followed. Behind him came another man, this one wearing a coat that hid most of his face. Despite the late night hour, he wore dark sunglasses.

"Kiba, you bastard!" Naruto was laughing in relief. Sasuke mutely helped him stand. "How did you know we're here?"

"The Kazekage contacted the Hokage. She sent us out. Team 10 should have already found Kakashi and Sakura." The man with glasses tucked his hands into his pockets.

"What happened to Itachi and Kisame?" Sasuke frowned at Kiba.

"They ran off." Kiba shrugged. "Fucking cowards."

Sasuke exhaled sharply.

"Oi, dumbass. You're really beat up." Kiba grinned cheekily at Naruto—and sucker punched him to the stomach.

Naruto groaned, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. His legs gave out under him, almost dragging Sasuke with him to the ground.

"Naruto!" Sasuke gasped.

"Oh, shit!" Kiba stared at the suddenly visible scarlet stain on Naruto's shirt. "I didn't know, man!"

Sasuke set Naruto on the ground and threw a right hook at Kiba's face that floored the loudmouthed asshole. Immediately, the dog sprang in front of his fallen master, growling in warning.

"What the hell are you playing at?!" Sasuke almost dove at him. Hinata quickly stepped into the way, however, her hands held up as if in surrender.

"I'm sorry!" She bowed quickly. "Kiba-kun didn't know. He never meant to hurt Naruto-kun."

Kiba massaged his jaw. "That fucking bastard. It was an accident, asshole! Hinata, get out of the way. Shino, let go of me!"

"You can kill him when we get to Konoha," the now-named Shino placated Kiba. "For now, we need to meet up with the rest."

"Tch, fine." Kiba shot a glare over his shoulder. "Akamaru, it's okay." The dog stopped growling, but its ears remained flat against its head.

Hinata knelt by Naruto's side, examining the wound. "He's going to need a hospital."

Sasuke quickly picked Naruto up, carefully draping the younger man over his back. He wrapped his hands around the back of Naruto's knees. "Then let's go."

oOo

Ino and Shikamaru ran ahead. Kakashi and Sakura followed. Chouji brought up the rear, carrying a silent Fuu on his back. Strains of guilt filtered through Sakura every time she heard Fuu sniffle. But she _had_ to know. She could not blame her actions on her 'sister'.

"Forehead girl, look alive." Ino smirked.

"You should take your own advice, Ino-pig," Sakura countered easily.

"You—"

Shikamaru abruptly shushed Ino. She snapped off a branch and threw it at Shikamaru's head. The other man ducked, muttering under his breath, "Troublesome."

Sakura still could not believe the Shikamaru of the bank was Ino's teammate. She had been listening to Ino complain for years about his lazy, but brilliant ass. Who would have thought a genius mind was hidden under the spiky hairdo.

For a moment, she had believed they were screwed. The trigger-happy member of the Akatsuki had dashed forward, screaming something about blood sacrifices. Shikamaru had set off a series of explosions that forced him to move back. Chouji dove into the melee with a punch that floored the Akatsuki member. Ino had snuck in under the cover of smoke bombs and led them away from danger. Shikamaru and Chouji had quickly caught up.

Shikamaru paused. He announced, "We're here."

In a small clearing, three fortified all-terrain SUVs were bathed in moonlight. Sakura noticed another familiar face.

"Hinata!" The pale woman smiled. Behind her were two men Sakura assumed to be her teammates. Her own two teammates, however, were missing. "Where are Sasuke and Naruto?"

The back door of the car closest to her opened. Sasuke sat in the back seat. Naruto's head rested in his lap.

Sasuke nodded to her. "Fuu alive?"

Chouji turned to reveal Fuu slumped against his back. Sasuke's dark eyes ran over her prone form. His head bowed slightly over Naruto's, saying something softly.

Sakura ran to them. "Is Naruto okay?"

Blue eyes peered upward. Naruto smiled. "Worried about me, Sakura-chan?"

"Who else will I beat the crap out of?" Sakura nudged his temple. He chuckled lightly before his eyes closed. He hid his face against Sasuke's shirt. One of Sasuke's hands rested over Naruto's carefully folded hands. The other ran through the yellow strands of hair.

"He's been doing that a lot," Sasuke said quietly. "Keeps drifting in and out."

Seeing the wide scarlet stain on Naruto's abdomen, Sakura had little question as to why.

"All right, people. Let's get moving," Shikamaru interrupted. He waved in the direction of another car. "Chouji, put Fuu in the backseat. Everyone else, pick a car."

"Shotgun." Kakashi settled himself in, waving cheerfully at Sasuke around the back of the seat.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I'll ride with Fuu."

"Then I drive!" Ino immediately scrambled for the driver's seat. Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura stared.

Sakura called for the passenger seat in the second car, Kiba manning the wheel. The others climbed into the last car. When they started moving, Sasuke forgot the ever-strengthening waves of pain in his shoulder.

The blond woman drove like a maniac.

"Uh, Ino," Kakashi began, "Naruto is wounded."

She nodded. "I know. All the more reason to get there faster."

Kakashi's hand tightened around the handgrip above his door.

In the second car, Sakura unknowingly mirrored Kakashi's actions.

"Kiba, this isn't a race."

"She thinks so." Kiba motioned to the car ahead of them. "I'm not going to lose to _Ino_."

Sakura groaned.

The occupants of the third SUV stared as the other cars drew further away.

"They're going to kill Naruto and Fuu." Shino casually pressed the accelerator.

"I-Ino and Kiba-kun will take care of them." Hinata clasped her hands tightly.

"Tch. Troublesome," Shikamaru concluded. Chouji drew a bag of potato chips from his holster and began munching on them.

Fuu's eyes snapped open. "Blockade ahead. Veer left."

"Say what?" Kiba craned his head to look at her.

"Trust her," Sakura defended her. Fuu smiled tremulously. Shrugging, Kiba grabbed a walkie-talkie and relayed the message.

Ino stared at her walkie-talkie. Finally, she sighed. "Okay."

She wrenched the wheel to the left, plastering Kakashi to his door. Sasuke struck his head against the window. Naruto moaned, but didn't wake up.

"_Oi, woman!_" Kiba's voice crackled through. "_Both your right wheels were off the ground! You trying to turn over the car?_"

"But I didn't, did I?" Ino responded cheerfully. "Jealous of my skillful driving?"

"_Who the hell would be jealous of you, you psychotic—Shit!_"

Floodlights illuminated the racing cars. Bullets ricocheted off the reinforced walls.

"They really managed to piss someone off," Chouji observed, glancing at the cars behind them.

Ahead, Ino was soothing her companions. "Don't worry. Even the wheels are bulletproof. And I'm a certified stunt driver. I can avoid any and all obstacles."

"While staying in one piece?" Sasuke muttered under his breath. A groan answered him as blue eyes blinked open.

"Sasuke? What?" Naruto froze when he caught sight of platinum blond hair. "Please don't tell me Ino's driving."

Sasuke gave him a pointed look.

Naruto clutched the other's shirt. His eyes were a sea of blue. "We're going to die."

Fuu stared at the gray ceiling. Her chest hurt, her side hurt, her wrist hurt. At least, she knew they should. Her body felt strangely numb. Every breath was difficult, like trying to steal air through a film of water.

Then again, everything felt like she was seeing it through a watery lens: distorted, strange, false. Scarlet flowers bloomed and faded on the placid surface.

"_Host Seven-Six-A."_

"_Seven."_

"_He's a bad man, Seven."_

"_Demonio. Seis A."_

_I did it. Seisa...Seisa was never real. It was _me_._

Fuu felt for her red bag. It lay on the floor next to her. Pulling it open, she struggled to free the metal object inside. Trying to assemble it with one hand was more difficult than she imagined. Her brow dotted with sweat as she fought to fit the pieces together. Finally, it lay mounted and loaded against her waist.

"Sakura," she gasped.

"Yes?" The pink-haired girl turned around, flinching at a shot that cracked the glass. "Are you in pain?"

"Don't stop driving. At the bottom of the valley, head right and then keep going straight. Don't stop."

Sakura's brow furrowed. "What?"

"And thank you."

The last thing Fuu saw was Sakura's eyes widening into pools of green as she threw open her door and let herself fall outside.

The fall stunned her, but she was past feeling. She pulled her anger to her, cloaking herself with it. Immediately, every pain, every discomfort faded away.

The third car roared by. Fuu aimed.

Hidan, cackling maniacally, blinked at the sudden goop that slammed against his window. His eyes widened when he caught sight of the metal object in it blinking warningly in red.

"Oh f—!"

Fuu breathed in deeply as she watched the car explode. The others braked immediately, narrowly avoiding a collision. Fuu shot more explosives, nailing each car.

The cannon dropped from her hands. Her vision swam as she collapsed against a tree. The grass was cool under her cheek, the stars glimmering brightly.

"I've never seen so many stars before," she whispered. Her lungs were clenching, burning. If she closed her eyes, she could see Gaara and Naruto lying next to her.

"_I know!" Naruto's hand tried to close around a star. "How long were we in there?"_

"_Too long," Gaara answered._

"_But we're out now." Naruto beamed. "And we'll always look after one another."_

"_Dead over captured." Fuu nodded._

Death over capture, they said.

She heard yells and curses. Opening her eyes, she saw a man with white hair, half his face bleeding. She felt a vicious kick to her ribs. Her chest seemed to contract. Her lungs were screaming. Something silver sank, breaking her skin.

_The serum_, she realized.

"This was a capture." A man was speaking. He didn't raise his voice, but the tone was cold enough to make Fuu want to shy away. "When did I give you permission to use force?"

"This bitch blew half my face!" There was a cry of pain.

"I don't think I gave you permission to talk back to me. We need her alive. Kakuzu, do what you can."

Fuu's hand closed around the swaying grass. Gaara was trying to explain that stars were balls of gas. Naruto was pointing out a bowl of ramen in the darkness between five stars. Fuu was trying to tickle Gaara.

"_I'm telling you, Gaara! There's a bowl of ramen right there!"_

"_You see ramen everywhere."_

"_And you see ladybugs everywhere, Fuu-chan! Right, Gaara?"_

"_...There is no ramen. Those are stars."_

"_What are you, blind? It's right there...!"_

Fuu chuckled. Her limbs grew heavier, her eyes closing. "You see ramen everywhere..."

oOo

"_Fuu! Fuu! Dammit, Kiba, turn this fucking tin can around!_"

"_You heard her! 'Keep driving'! And that's what I'm going to do!_"

Naruto's heart stopped. He tasted bile, nausea clawing up his throat.

"Fuu...what?"

Ino switched off the walkie-talkie.

"No! Put it back on!" Naruto yelled. He struggled to sit, ignoring the sudden lacerations of pain. "Ino, put it back! Go back! We can't leave her!"

"Naruto, she sacrificed herself so we could get away!" Kakashi grabbed the hands that struggled for the walkie-talkie. "We go back it'll be like spitting in her face!"

"I DON'T CARE!" Naruto roared. "We have to save her! I have to save her!"

"Naruto, your wound!" Sasuke struggled to restrain Naruto, but the other man continued fighting. Fresh waves of red flowed from the wide hole, dripping down the leather seat like a macabre waterfall. The scarlet drops fell in delicate symphony, painting everything red, red, red.

Naruto's face was ashen. "She can't be caught! We promised! I can't leave her there! Sasuke, _please_!" His voice tore on the last word.

Kakashi scrambled over the seat and grabbed Naruto's neck. Suddenly, Naruto stopped moving. His hands dropped limply.

"What did you do?!" Sasuke half-screamed.

"He was killing himself." Kakashi nodded to the fresh blood still gushing from his wound. "He'll be fine, Sasuke."

Sasuke wasn't so sure, especially when he removed his shirt to press it against the hole in Naruto's side in a desperate effort to staunch the blood flow. Naruto spasmed in pain, crying out. As he relaxed, one name fell from his lips.

"Fuu-chan..."


	6. Whose Woods These Are

_Break it down in pieces, make it simple  
'Cause you know damn well that I'm a simple man  
All these things go changing like the weather  
And they stay that way until the weather man says,  
"One down, gone to waste"  
I think there's still a piece of that smile on your face_

-"Crutch," Matchbox 20

* * *

Outside the OR, silence enveloped the hall. Sakura splayed her hands, picking at her nail polish. Kakashi, eye closed, leaned against the wall. Sasuke balanced his forehead on the base of his palms, ignoring the continued stabs that radiated from his shoulder. The clock on the wall continued counting down the seconds, minutes, hour. The red light above the doors Naruto had been shoved through continued humming a soft red. There had been little movement since they arrived except for a tall, blond woman who had stormed past them, thrown open the doors and disappeared inside. Neither Sakura nor Kakashi appeared surprised.

And they waited.

The others had gone soon. Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji had been the first to leave. Ino had said something to Sakura that made the pink-haired woman simultaneously laugh and try to trip her friend. Hinata, Kiba and Shino remained a little longer. Kiba absentmindedly kicked the floor while Hinata wrung her hands. Shino remained silent and aloof against the wall. A dark-haired woman with vivid red eyes soon appeared and called to them. They followed after her dutifully. Before leaving, Hinata's pale eyes flickered back to the double doors.

Then, it was just the three of them. Kakashi walked to the end of the hall as if looking for something. He returned empty-handed. Sakura curled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them. Sasuke's muscles burned from the constant tension needed to keep his body from trembling. Vision swimming, he closed his eyes, leaning forward to rest his head between his legs. The position offered little relief.

Finally, the red light clicked off. The same woman that had rushed by stepped out calmly, stripping gloves from her hands. Her amber eyes ran over them. When she smiled, her entire face transformed, looking incredibly young.

"He'll be fine," she began without preamble. "He lost a lot of blood and we had to give him several transfusions. He's stable now. He suffered little damage to his internal organs and the wound should scar over nicely. Provided he doesn't do something stupid, he should be up in a few days. We'll move him to a private room later where you can see him."

Sakura sighed. Her limbs melted against the wall, her smile widening. Kakashi cheerfully took out his novel. Sasuke ran a shaky hand through his hair. The woman knitted her brows at him.

"Are you all right?" she barked.

"Fine," Sasuke croaked. Clearing his throat hastily, he tried again, "I'm fine."

She knelt beside him, holding the back of her hand to his forehead. Before Sasuke could react, she grabbed his chin, tilting his face to the light.

"You're running a fever."

"I'm _fine_!" snapped Sasuke, wrenching away. The movement jarred his shoulder, making him flinch.

She seized his upper arm. Sasuke was surprised by the steel in her grip. She jerked him sharply and he started in pain. The shirt shifted, revealing the edge of a purple-black bruise.

"When did you get this?" She pointed a finely manicured finger, holding it just above the dark stain.

"It's nothing." Sasuke tried to pull away, but she was too strong. "Just a bruise."

"Just a bruise?" she repeated delicately. Her finger pushed down lightly on it. Pain unlike any he had experienced arced down his spine. His limbs seized; his head felt like it would explode.

"I can see it's just a bruise." Throughout his fit, the woman had not let go of him.

"Shishou? What's wrong with him?" Sakura stood in front of him, peering worriedly into his face. Her hand rose as if she would touch him, before she thought better of it.

"Come on, boy." The woman hauled him to his feet. "We need to get you into an examination room."

"Tsunade-shishou?" Sakura followed closely, green eyes flickering between Sasuke and Tsunade.

Tsunade. That sounded familiar. Had Sakura spoken of her before? Sasuke had little time to wonder. Tsunade pulled him down the halls, barking orders over her shoulder.

"Sakura, go fetch Shizune. Bring her to Examination Room 4. Kakashi, find Anko. Both of you be quiet about this."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama." Kakashi bowed respectfully to her. Sakura's green eyes followed them worriedly. Then they turned a corner and Sasuke could not see them anymore.

The farther she dragged him away, the more Sasuke struggled. Tsunade, however, appeared to have a vice grip.

"Stop fighting," she finally hissed. "You're just pumping the toxin further through your body."

"Toxin?" Sasuke stopped and almost had his arm wrenched from his socket.

Tsunade sighed heavily before turning around. "Did you meet a pale man, black hair, yellow eyes at any moment?"

_"My name is Orochimaru. I believe you could use my assistance."_

"Orochimaru," answered Sasuke.

Tsunade swore. Again, she hauled him along behind her. This time, Sasuke refrained from fighting. She shoved him through a door. Sasuke stumbled to medical bed.

"Climb on. Take off your shirt." At Sasuke's arched eyebrow, she rolled her eyes. "Kid, you're not that pretty."

He pulled his shirt over his head with difficulty as Tsunade opened and shut drawers in quick succession. She seemed to find what she was looking for as she left one drawer open. She motioned for him to sit. She took his wrist delicately, counting the beats.

"About how long ago did this happen?"

Sasuke shrugged. "A few hours I suppose." His vision swam again.

"Hmm." Tsunade burrowed in the open drawer. She pulled out a slender rectangular object topped by a long needle and an alcohol swab. At Sasuke's questioning look, she explained, "I need to biopsy the tissue."

She quickly passed the swab over his skin, careful not to press down. His skin, however, was hypersensitive and he had to bite his lower lip to keep from squirming. Once she was satisfied the skin was sterilized, she aimed the silver object. Her hand was steady as the tip broke his skin, but Sasuke could barely suppress a cry of pain.

"You'll feel a bite," she warned. She pushed a button.

Sasuke screamed, his body writhing away from Tsunade. _A bite_, he thought darkly before passing out.

oOo

Kakashi tapped a senseless beat against his ankle. He sat with one foot propped over the opposite knee, waiting for the unconscious Uchiha on the bed to wake up. Shizune bustled around the small room, a variety of different objects decorating the desk. The labels on the bottles ranged from pain medications to antibiotics to things whose name Kakashi did not trust himself to pronounce properly. Hearing a soft rustling, he glanced up to catch Sasuke's eyes blinking at the overhead light.

"Welcome back to the living," Kakashi quipped cheerfully.

"Ah, Sasuke-kun!" The addressed turned to face Shizune. The woman smiled warmly at him. "How do you feel?"

Sasuke shrugged, but the movement made him flinch.

Shizune tsked. "Don't try to move yet. Tsunade-sama should return soon with the results of your biopsy. I'm sorry, but we can't give you much to help you yet. We don't want to risk you going into shock because of a bad reaction to the medications."

Sasuke lowered his chin in a fraction of a nod.

Kakashi leaned forward. "Would you like to know what happened after you passed out?"

Sasuke glowered.

"I'll take that as a yes." Kakashi smiled. Sasuke looked like he was debating different ways to kill him. "Tsunade-sama herself is running the tests. You should count yourself very lucky. Before she left, she injected you with something that stabilized you. I had to change you into those hospital clothes." Kakashi hid an amused chuckle at Sasuke's suddenly disturbed look. Although he had not stripped him down completely so he would not know, Kakashi could not avoid the need for a sharp jab. "You have very little to be ashamed of."

Sasuke's eyes flashed.

Ignoring the murderous aura, Kakashi continued. "Sakura is currently with Naruto. He's fine." Kakashi held up a hand when he saw Sasuke's mouth open. "Sleeping, last I saw him. I suggested putting you in his room. Just please keep from breaking the headboard against the wall."

Shizune furrowed her brow. Sasuke's look promised death.

Kakashi beamed. Teasing Sasuke was like poking a porcupine: risky, but much too enjoyable to stop.

Before Kakashi could continue testing the other's limits, the sound of violent cursing reached him. Shizune groaned. Kakashi chuckled.

"Tsunade-sama hasn't repeated herself once," Kakashi observed admiringly. Shizune passed her hand over her face.

The door to the examination room was thrown abruptly open. Tsunade stormed in, still in the middle of her diatribe. Anko followed behind, visibly trying not to laugh. When she saw Sasuke, her smirk faded.

"—and when I get my hands on that motherfucking snake I'm going to wring his motherfucking neck—" Tsunade cut herself off abruptly when she noticed Sasuke. "Oh, you're up. Good; saves me needing to explain myself twice."

Sasuke stared.

"You've been poisoned," she said baldly.

"…Okay." Sasuke blinked.

"It's a toxin designed to alter your phenotypic attributes. Not unlike a certain serum." The last she muttered under her breath.

Serum. Kakashi had been hearing that word a little too much.

"From the sample I removed from your shoulder, I was able to culture the cells. They show marked signs of deterioration as if exposed to strenuous physical activity. Moreover, their rapid division is similar to that of cancerous cells. Unlike cancerous cells, these are undergoing apoptosis at an exaggerated rate."

At the blank looks, Tsunade rolled her eyes. "The cells are dying quickly."

"So what does that mean?" Sasuke clutched his shoulder.

"For you?" Tsunade interpreted correctly. "Major stressful activity will cause the cells to react in this manner. Their rapid cell division means that any wounds incurred will heal relatively quickly. However, there will be severe trauma. All cells have a specific lifespan and cutting it down will incur different consequences. Your skin will be hypersensitive; the slightest pressure may prove painful. After the stressor fades, your muscles will cramp and you may be incapable of any form of movement. If the nerve cells are affected, which is the most worrisome, there is a whole spectrum of consequences. Irritability, memory loss, slowed reflexes and hallucinations are only at the top of the list."

There was a thick silence.

"You were able to get all this from staring at my shoulder cells?" Sasuke responded after a pause.

"Only the first part." Tsunade smiled bitterly. "I know the consequences as there is another person who was injected with the same toxin."

At Sasuke's questioning look, Tsunade motioned to Anko who smiled ironically at the younger man. "Anko, here, is the first person to have been injected—and survived."

"Survived?" Sasuke repeated.

"Most don't," Anko finally spoke up. "Count yourself lucky we have an antidote that can counteract the more…_lethal _side effects while your body adjusts."

"If you have any questions," Tsunade continued, "Anko is the person to ask."

"Why were you injected?" Sasuke's dark eyes seemed to be analyzing the spiky-haired woman.

She grinned, but there was a bitter twist to her smile. "Because his student happened to be the closest test specimen."

Sasuke fell silent.

"It'll be annoying at times and there are days the pain will be unmanageable," as she spoke, Anko's hand rose to her left shoulder, "but you'll live."

Kakashi observed their interaction: Orochimaru's rejected student and the man he suddenly took an interest in. Shizune's eyes flickered between them.

"It's late," Tsunade declared. "We can continue this conversation tomorrow. Sasuke, you're out of immediate danger. I'll escort you to your room. There, I'll give you a shot that will numb the pain and allow you to rest. You'll sleep through the rest of the acclimation. Any problems?"

Sasuke shook his head.

"All right. Shizune."

"Oh, right!" Tsunade's assistant almost tripped over herself as she grabbed a wheelchair propped against the wall and unfolded it.

"No," Sasuke said immediately.

"It'll just be down the hall…"

"Hell no."

Tsunade hid a grin. "Fine. Follow me."

Sasuke carefully climbed off the bed. Kakashi followed them down the hall, leaving Shizune and Anko behind. In Naruto's room, Sakura was sitting in a chair she had set next to the bed. Her feet were pulled up on the seat, her head resting on the back of the chair as she dozed lightly. She jumped when Tsunade touched her shoulder, relaxing when she realized who it was.

"You okay, Sasuke-kun?" she whispered. He nodded, but his eyes were focused on the sleeping man on the bed. The black eyes traced the tubing curling away from Naruto's hand to the clear IV bag hanging from its stand.

"Come on." Tsunade pushed him lightly to the opposite bed. "Time for your shot."

Sasuke crept into the bed, pulling the sheets over his legs. Out of her pocket, Tsunade withdrew a vial, an alcohol swab and a needle.

"I'm going to inject this in your shoulder." As she spoke, Tsunade broke the packaging around the needle, carefully withdrawing a measured amount of the clear liquid in the vial. "The injection I gave you earlier had an anesthetic, but this still might hurt."

Sasuke nodded. He did not move as Tsunade broke the surface of his skin with the needle and pushed the contents inside his body.

"You'll be able to sleep now," she said. "I'll be by in the morning to check on you two." Before she left, her hand ghosted over Naruto's hand. Kakashi saw a sad smile curl her lips as she glanced at the blond.

Sakura left after Tsunade, aiming a smile over her shoulder. Kakashi stepped out last, closing the door behind them. Before the door closed completely, he noticed Sasuke shove the covers off him. Stumbling, he walked the four steps to Naruto's bed. Raising the sheets, he slid into the bed beside the sleeping man. His fingers curled lightly around Naruto's hand.

oOo

Tsunade fiddled with some stray papers on her desk. She should have been getting a head start on work, but it was difficult. She still couldn't believe Naruto had returned. When she saw him, saw the amount of blood drying on his skin…

She screwed her eyes shut. He was fine. It didn't matter that she lost him once on the operating table; he pulled through. That's what mattered.

The Uchiha boy was a different matter altogether. Again, she smoothed the paper with the result of his examination before her. Out of curiosity, she had run an esper test. When the number came in over the maximum value, she ran it again. Outside of the hosts, very few people had such a high esper ranking. In Konoha, there was no longer anyone who even came close to the maximum value, much less surpass it. She was certain she had made a mistake.

The second result was the same.

A knock at the door interrupted her musing. Glancing once at the clock, she knew it would be bad news. Nothing good ever came at three in the morning. She quickly stuffed the paper with Sasuke's results out of view.

"Come in," she called and immediately wished she hadn't. "Danzou," she forced through a smile.

The older man leaned heavily on his walking stick as he came in. Half of his face and body were covered in bandages.

"I heard the Kyuubi host returned," he said softly. By which he meant, Tsunade mentally translated, that he heard the rumor and already verified it.

"Yes." Tsunade refused to give him any extra information.

"Do you think it wise?" Danzou pressed. "Letting the creature inside our walls again?"

"That _creature_," Tsunade spat, "was your greatest joy. Or weren't you the one constantly suggesting him for missions?"

"That was before." Danzou's features were closed, revealing nothing. "How can we be sure he is not a threat?"

"What do you suggest?" Tsunade asked silkily. She waited for him to make a mistake. _Slip up_, she implored. Punching him would make her feel thoroughly satisfied.

"I am not suggesting anything. I simply believe we ought to keep an eye on him and the man he came with."

"Oh?" Faking interest, Tsunade leaned back in her chair. "And how do you suggest we do that?"

"Assign one of my group to them. Just to watch over them for the duration of their stay."

"Thank you, but I don't think that will be necessary." Tsunade trained her gaze on his. "Kakashi is more than enough."

"Excuse me, Tsunade-hime, but I believe his suggestion has merit."

Tsunade groaned inwardly. Just what she needed. Mikotado Homura and Utatane Koharu. _Now_ her night was complete.

The elderly advisors pushed open the door to her office, standing beside Danzou. Homura continued, "He ran away when he was twelve. Suddenly, he returns? It's suspicious."

Tsunade could feel a headache brewing behind her eyes. She couldn't admit _she_ had smuggled Naruto out of Konoha; they'd call her traitor and she would be of no help in a cell.

"And considering Kakashi's prior relationship with the boy, as well as being Yondaime's former student, he may be biased," Koharu finished.

They had a point. Which only served to irritate Tsunade further.

"I take it you already have someone in mind," she said after a pause.

"Sai," Danzou answered promptly. "He's their age so he will find it easier to ingratiate himself. And there's no question about his loyalty to Konoha."

_More like his loyalty to _you.

"Fine," she said. "But one of my ANBU will also be constantly present. To help…Kai, was it?"

It was petty, but her glare dared Danzou to correct her.

He bowed respectfully. "Hokage-sama." He left. Homura and Koharu remained long enough to remind Tsunade about what her position meant, a reprimand she had heard so much she had it memorized. She tuned them out until the door closed behind them. When she was certain they were gone, she raised a hand, curling the fingers into her palm.

A man dropped from the ceiling, dressed in the regulation ANBU uniform. A porcelain mask hid his features.

"You heard?" Tsunade asked, knowing the answer.

"I tried not to, Hokage-sama," he answered politely.

"You may remove your mask." She waited until he did so before continuing. "I'm assigning you to Kakashi's team. You will operate under the code name 'Yamato'."

"You want me to keep an eye on the host?" inquired Yamato.

"Naruto doesn't worry me," she confessed. "I want you to observe Sai. Report any suspicious movement."

"If I may, Hokage-sama," he lowered his head in a demure fashion, "perhaps you're over-analyzing the situation."

"I certainly hope so," Tsunade replied softly.

oOo

Bleary eyes slit open, revealing a line of blue. A plain white blur stretched above him. Blinking brought the ceiling into focus. It felt obscenely early. If Sasuke wasn't awake yet, then it was _too_ early. Hearing the even breaths to his right, Naruto curled closer into Sasuke's warmth—and winced at the sudden stabs that arced up his body.

"Wha—?" he gasped. His torso felt stiff. When he palmed his side, he thought he felt the slightly scratchy feel of bandages. Out of his hand, a slender tube led to a half-empty IV bag.

_This is a hospital._

But why would he need...

_Seisa hurt me._

But that meant...

_Fuu-chan—!_

Naruto tried to sit up and was only able to curl around his stomach. Millions of white-hot needles pricking every inch of his skin. His side felt like it was on fire.

At Naruto's abrupt movement, Sasuke startled awake.

"What are you—?"

"Fuu-chan," Naruto groaned. "Where is she?"

Dark eyes lowered. "Naruto..."

"They took her, didn't they? Akatsuki took her."

Sasuke nodded. Naruto's hand flattened against his abdomen. He curled further into a ball.

"Naruto?" Sasuke's hands tightened around the other's shoulders. "Does it hurt? Do you need pain meds?"

"Yes." Neither was certain what he was affirming.

Sasuke searched for the call button in vain. Finally, he pulled himself out of the bed. "I'll find a nurse. I'll be right back."

Naruto nodded.

Leaving only a thin gap open, Sasuke slid the door shut. The pain in his shoulder had calmed to a dull, but manageable throb. His muscles were stiff, but he forced them to move. He found a nurse walking down and the hall and quickly called to her.

"My friend needs some pain medication," he said.

"What's the patient's name?" she queried.

"Uzumaki Naruto."

"Ah, yes, Naruto-kun." She nodded. "Tsunade-sama said he could have some Percocet as soon as he woke up. I'll go get it."

Sasuke debated whether to follow her or return to Naruto's side. He massaged his shoulder absentmindedly. The nurse soon returned with a plastic cup, a tablet resting inside it. They were silent as they walked down the hall. Sasuke pulled open the door, letting her step through.

"Oh my!" she gasped, almost dropping the cup. Sasuke panicked. Did Naruto fall? Did his wound open again? He shoved past her.

The curtains billowed in the breeze from the open window. The room was empty.

oOo

As Naruto walked aimlessly, he realized Konoha had not changed much.

The buildings crowned with scarlet roofs still shadowed the winding streets. Familiar stores met his eyes. Delicious smells wafted to his nose, many of which he recognized from his childhood.

His one-time home thrived with life. Children ran by him, playing games. Women called to each other. Men laughed in a corner. He spotted a trio of twelve-year-olds running after a fat black cat. He chuckled. He remembered that mission. He had had to capture the cat alone, as he had no team. He'd berated Tsunade after it was done, asking her how it was possible that someone of such talent could be assigned such a pathetic mission. She had thrown a shoe at his head.

In retrospect, he suspected Tsunade had been aiming to kill. The shoe's heel had stabbed through the wood paneling of her office's far wall.

She was infamous throughout for her monstrous strength. And her incapability to gamble. But that was beside the point.

It had been plainly obvious why Tsunade kept assigning him simple tasks.

When he looked up, he realized where his legs had carried him. The door to his old apartment stood before him. Naruto rested an arm on the unpainted surface, feeling the effect the years had on the wood. This apartment had been his first house. Then it had been the even smaller apartment Tsunade had found him when she smuggled him out of Konoha. Finally, it had been Sasuke's apartment, the first one Naruto had called home.

He clearly remembered moving in with Sasuke.

Naruto had juggled with the three bags and two suitcases. Pursing his lips, he had freed one hand to press the doorbell repeatedly. Again. When that had failed to elicit any response from inside the apartment, he had alternated between knocking and kicking at the door.

Still nothing.

Glaring at the smooth wood as if it had been his greatest enemy, Naruto had dropped his bags. He had inhaled deeply. Raising his hands and one foot, he had assumed a crane-like pose. With a kung fu yell, he had kicked the door.

Just as it had opened.

Sasuke had not even blinked as Naruto had fallen into a semi-split. Rubbing his eyes, he had asked in a voice still thick with sleep, "What to do you want, dobe?"

Naruto had reeled up, grinning widely. "Here, Sasuke, help me with this."

Sasuke had had no time to react as a bag, a heavy and solid bag that made a crackling sound when manhandled, collided with his chest. Only his reflexes had saved him from falling.

Naruto had bustled past him, lugging the other four bags. "Can you put that in your kitchen? That's my ramen. Oh and do you mind if I shove some clothes out of your closet? I need to make space for mine. This moving in stuff is more difficult than I thought. God, I'm so dirty already. There was so much crap in my house. I still haven't packed all of it. I'm hungry. Hey, Sasuke, can you make some of that ramen while I shove these bags in?"

Sasuke had just stared, eyes half-lidded from sleep. He had nodded blankly, stumbling to the kitchen. It was when he had set the water to boil that one particular sentence from Naruto's monologue sunk through.

"You're moving in _where_?!"

Naruto smiled. A hand ran over the peeling surface of the wall. He tried the knob and was unsurprised when it did not give way. He knew his way around the door, however. Fiddling with the underside of the knob, he found the catch and heard the door click open. He turned the doorknob, stepping into the dusty hall.

It looked like the apartment had not been touched since he left it eight years before. His feet raised little clouds of dust when he walked. The windows were gray, the sunlight fighting to get through. It glimmered off the dust filtering through the air. He followed the hall to his bedroom. He laughed when he saw his ramen poster still clung to the wall. The bed looked like it might collapse if any weight settled on it. The wooden dresser had water stains.

Ignoring the signs of time, he stepped to the window and threw it open. He coughed at the sudden storm of dust. Waving his hand, he hastened its dissipation. His side was screaming and it was with a grunt of pain that he pulled himself through the window and clambered to the roof.

With a sigh of relief, he lay against the red shingles. The heat they had absorbed filtered through his thin shirt. He closed his eyes against the glare of the sun, focusing on his breathing. The pain in his side was a constant throb, annoying, but manageable.

His throat was dry. His eyes ached.

"Want one?"

Naruto cracked open an eye to see Jiraiya beaming at him. The white-haired man waved one half of a Popsicle in front of Naruto's face.

"Ero-sensei? When did you get here?"

"A few hours ago," the older man answered as he settled down beside Naruto. "Thought I'd find you here. So, want one?"

"I'm twenty, not ten." Naruto grasped the candy by its wooden stick.

Jiraiya looked mortally offended. "You're never too old for a Popsicle!" he cried.

Smiling, Naruto bit into the cold treat. It was cool and soothing, the artificial sweetness rolling around on his tongue.

"Tsunade's pitching a fit," Jiraiya began conversationally, biting into his half.

Naruto shrugged. Jiraiya shoved his temple with a finger.

"You should be more caring, kid. Don't you feel bad for the poor chairs and walls she's destroying right now?"

"Nope."

"And what about Shizune? Poor thing has to deal with Tsunade now."

"Shizune-nee-chan _always_ has to deal with Tsunade-baa-chan."

"True enough. …They told me about Fuu."

Naruto stopped eating. Jiraiya swallowed thoughtfully before he continued speaking. "I remember her. Couldn't get her to shut up. She was even more of a pain in the ass than you when you were kids."

Orange drops slid down the length of the Popsicle, over Naruto's fingers and fell to the roof. They darkened the area they fell on, reflecting the sunlight.

"You remember when you dyed my hair orange? Know why you never got caught?" Naruto's eyes shot up, but Jiraiya was looking to the horizon. "She took the blame for you. When I told her she was lying, she grabbed a vial of ink and poured it over my head. 'I dyed your hair,' she said and actually sniggered at me. A nine-year-old! Sniggering at me!" Jiraiya shook his head. "She was always defending you."

Naruto's knuckles shone white.

"It was her choice, Naruto." Jiraiya glanced at him over the Popsicle. "It wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was." Naruto bit the inside of his lip harshly. "I just wanted to help Sasuke. We just needed money. Sasuke was almost hurt. Kakashi and Sakura could have died. And Fuu…"

More of the melting orange liquid dripped over his fingers, painting sticky trails on the smooth skin.

"Akatsuki was hunting you. You know that." Jiraiya chewed on his Popsicle. "They would have found her and they would have found you. That had nothing to do with you. And, hell, at least you actually had good intentions. This," he said, waving his hand over the sprawling village, "isn't the most ethical of places."

"But Fuu—!"

"I was talking to Sakura. She said Fuu realized Seisa was part of her." Naruto started at the news. "I think Fuu finally accepted what happened to her and what she was made into. I think it was a choice that she made for herself and for you.

"You all have a self-preservation instinct that is supposed to make impossible any sort of altruism. The fact that you didn't made you special among the others." Jiraiya's hand squeezed Naruto's shoulder. "That girl chose something that should have been impossible. She chose something that Seisa should have prohibited. Her possible death over your capture. Not many people find such selfless love."

A different drop fell to join the splatters on the roof, one clear and salty.

Voice breaking, Naruto gasped, "Ero-sensei…I didn't want this to happen."

"We never do." Jiraiya's hand tightened comfortingly. "And you know? You shouldn't count Fuu out just yet."

"What?" Naruto looked at Jiraiya without understanding. The older man smiled.

"I've been researching Akatsuki. What they do. We all know that their imprisoning the hosts is bull. But we have a chance. The process to synthesize the serum from the blood takes three days. They'll first have to wait for her to heal before attempting the process. Not to mention that she managed to hurt a few. That gives us a window of opportunity of a little over a week to attempt a rescue."

"You know where she is?" Naruto gasped.

"That's the information I was bringing Tsunade. I know where the operation takes place."

"How do you know that?" Naruto's eyes were wild with hope.

"I've got a spy inside Akatsuki." Jiraiya smiled. "He keeps me well-informed."

Naruto could feel his heart pounding against the base of his neck. The corners of his lips twitched upward.

Jiraiya winked. "Don't give up just yet. We'll get her back."

With a watery laugh, Naruto jumped on Jiraiya.

oOo

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!"

Naruto flinched at the unholy scream. "Baa-chan…too loud."

Tsunade looked five seconds from murdering him. "You have a hole in your side! What the hell are you thinking, leaving the hospital and wandering around?!"

"I'm fine." Naruto waved her off. He continued leaning on Jiraiya. His skin was pale. When Tsunade grabbed his arm, she found it cool to the touch.

"If you want to kill yourself, I'm willing to punch your head off," she snarled. She barked at Jiraiya, "Take him to his bed. And if you dare get up without my permission again, I will tie you to the bed."

"No, you wouldn't," Naruto taunted. Tsunade smiled, but there was nothing kind about it.

"I wouldn't?" she repeated delicately.

Inside the hospital room, Sasuke crossed his arms in front of his chest. Naruto wrested with the bindings around his wrists and torso.

"Sasukeee," Naruto whined. "Help me!"

Sasuke snorted.

"Come on, Sasuke!"

The onyx-haired man pointedly turned away.

"Oi, Sasuke! Untie me or I'm tying you to the bed!"

"And how will you do that when you can't even get up?"

Naruto's face was turning red with exertion. "Sasukeee!"

Sasuke ignored him.

Changing tactics, Naruto stopped fighting. "I'm sorry, Sasuke. I promise I will stay in the room. Could you please untie me?"

Sasuke arched an eyebrow. "And you'll behave?"

"Yes." Naruto's eye grew wide and shiny. He pouted.

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke gracefully stood from his bed and walked the three steps to Naruto's. There he reached for the blond's pillow and shoved the edge into the man's mouth.

"Mmm hmmm pfmm!"

"This is so peaceful now. Don't you think, Naruto?"

"Fmmmpmm mmhmmpfmmm!"

"I think I'll take a nap."

"_Mmmmpfmmm_!"

oOo

Naruto was still spitting out stuffing. He had bit into the pillow and got a mouthful of cotton. Renewed struggling only made the fibrous material creep to the back of his mouth. Sasuke didn't help as he thought Naruto's choking sounds were just a new ploy to get free. It wasn't until Naruto began turning blue that Sasuke pulled the pillow out of the blond's mouth.

"You," he said while feeling around with his tongue for stray fibers, "are a bastard."

"Do you two ever stop fighting?" Sakura asked.

"No," they chorused.

She giggled.

They waited in the Hokage's office. Sakura and Kakashi had stopped by their room earlier to tell them the Hokage wanted to speak with them. Naruto had promptly thrown a fit that he wanted to see the Tower. Kakashi had shrugged and appropriated a wheelchair. They'd promptly smuggled Naruto out of the hospital.

The Hokage, whoever he was, was taking his fine time. Sasuke controlled the urge to tap his foot against the floor.

"Where is the Hokage?" he finally asked.

"I'm right here." Sasuke started. Tsunade smirked at him. "I would apologize except you're the reason I'm late. My patients should stay in the hospital."

She stared pointedly at Naruto. He had the gall to grin.

"So what is it, baa-chan? I've still got healing to do."

"I think I prefer you comatose." Tsunade strode past him to settle into her chair.

Naruto made a face. Sakura laughed.

"Let's do this quickly so I can get you out of my office." Tsunade leaned back. "While you're here, you will be accompanied by two guards."

"But I didn't do anything!" Naruto's eyes widened. "You can't pin anything on me!"

"I know you haven't done anything," Tsunade patronized him. Her tone seemed to go over Naruto's head. "Nevertheless, you and Sasuke are outsiders. Just consider it a…necessary precaution. They won't bother you. You may come in now!"

Apart from Tsunade, those in the room turned when the door opened. Two men stepped through. One with an almost unhealthy pallor and dark hair looked to be around Sasuke's age. The other with brown hair seemed several years older.

"This is Sai and Yamato," Tsunade introduced them, pointing to the younger one first.

"Hi! My name's Naruto!" The blond beamed.

Sai cocked his head to the side. His smile didn't quite reach his eyes.

"You're really beat up," he observed. "You must be really weak, dickless."

There was a pause.

"WHAT THE FUCK, ASSHOLE?!"

Sasuke and Sakura quickly grabbed Naruto to keep him in the wheelchair.

"That was not nice." Sakura frowned at him. "You shouldn't insult others upon meeting them."

"Ah. I understand." Sai nodded solemnly. "You defend him since you're an ugly whore."

"YOU WORTHLESS BASTARD, I'M GOING TO TEAR YOUR BALLS OFF!"

"Now, Sakura, let's settle down." Kakashi seized her by her shoulders.

Sasuke watched the commotion quietly. Sai examined him and Sasuke arched an eyebrow.

"Is this your little fag boyfriend?" Sai asked Naruto politely.

Naruto turned purple. "I AM GOING TO KILL—!"

"Did you expect to glimpse our characters by attacking when we least expected it?"

"Is that what you think?" Sai smiled.

Sasuke calmly began wheeling Naruto out. "I won't waste my breath arguing with you. I'd rather not infect myself with pond scum. Sakura, we're leaving. Hokage-sama, good day."

With a victorious smirk, Sakura skipped past Sai.

"That was amazing, Sasuke!" she enthused. "Did you see his face?"

"How come you get all the cool lines?" Naruto whined.

Sasuke shrugged. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a flash of yellow.

Through the slit left by the half-shut door, he saw a line of portraits lining a wall. The fourth had a man with messy yellow hair and Naruto's blue eyes.

oOo

"Shouldn't you be with Naruto?"

Sasuke jumped, hand going to the gun at his waist. It was only when his hands closed around air that he remembered he no longer had it.

There was a click. Light flooded the room.

Tsunade lounged against the far wall, one manicured finger lingering over the light switch.

"Hokage-sama," Sasuke greeted politely.

"What are you doing?" Tsunade crossed her arms under her ample bosom.

"It seems I misplaced a ring."

One blond eyebrow rose. "Here?"

"I got lost earlier." Sasuke shrugged.

"And I can work without sake." Her voice was completely devoid of sarcasm. "I take it you wanted a closer look at our Hokage. Or were you only interested in one?"

Sasuke was silent.

Smiling to herself, Tsunade moved to stand in front of the first picture. "This was my grandfather, Senju Hashirama. Our Shodai. He founded Konoha. His brother," she nodded to the picture beside it, "Senju Tobirama, established our military force. Hiruzen Sarutobi, Sandaime and my teacher. He was our longest reigning Hokage and, under him, Konoha saw incredible growth—and two of its greatest wars. After the second war, he relinquished the position to our Yondaime."

She paused in front of the fourth photograph and the solemn, yellow-haired man pictured there. "He was our youngest Hokage, barely twenty-six when he assumed the position. He was already famous—and infamous—for his speed in battle, to the point that he was nicknamed Konoha's Yellow Flash. His esper ability was said to be seen only once in a generation." Her smile widened, her gaze distant. "He was Jiraiya's student and there was no way to shut up Jiraiya for months after he was named. Namikaze Minato."

"Minato?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Mm-hmm. Naruto's father." All signs of humor evaporated from Tsunade's face. She did not notice or ignored Sasuke startling. "His reign proved the shortest in our history. Barely a year."

"Why?" Sasuke pressed after Tsunade fell silent.

She sighed. "It was around this time the Bijuu appeared again." Before Sasuke could ask, she continued, "Bijuu is the nickname of a series nine serums designed by Hashirama and his companion, a man who also helped him found Konoha. They were created with the purpose of developing a greater breed of fighters. Everyone here is an esper, of course, and—"

"Esper?" The term sounded familiar to Sasuke.

"Yes. Simpler way of saying ESPer," Tsunade explained. "Individuals with a capacity for illusions, empathic ability, telekinesis and other, even stranger talents. It tends to run in families. The Bijuu are a special breed, though.

"Increased aggression, immunity to pain, greater muscle endurance and strength, sharpened senses. Unfortunately, there were some…undesirable side effects. Much like the movies, in fact."

As she spoke, Tsunade strolled to her office. Sasuke followed, casting one last look at Minato's portrait.

Tsunade approached her desk. Taking out a key, she unlocked a drawer, pulling it open and removing an unmarked envelope. She punctuated each phrase by tossing a picture onto the polished wood of her desk.

"Feelings of paranoia and persecution." Fuu, eyes wide, seemingly backed into a corner. She was curled halfway into a fetus position and the lines of her body stood out in fury.

"Increased bloodlust." Gaara, the sand around him dark and glistening. The same glutinous liquid stained his hands. If the picture weren't black and white, Sasuke would not have been surprised to see the liquid glimmer crimson.

"Beast-like characteristics." A woman with long blond hair on all fours, back arched like a cat.

"And decrease in rational thought." Five other pictures fluttered down. A sixth was held delicately from a corner between Tsunade's fingers. Sasuke slowly reached out, taking it in his hands.

This one was in color. A young boy, not looking a day over twelve, was crouched on all fours. His blond hair was standing on end, the curious marks on his cheeks dark and jagged. The lines of his hands stood out in sharp relief, curled like claws. His lips had thinned, baring his teeth. His eyes were a vicious, inhuman red.

Sasuke almost didn't recognize Naruto.

Tsunade sank into her chair heavily. "They were monsters," she stated softly. "They could destroy any enemy quickly and efficiently, but were just as likely to kill their companions. They could not be taught or controlled."

"And Minato did _this_ to his own _son_?" Repulsion was evident in Sasuke's tone.

"Minato never did anything without having a good reason, boy." Jiraiya strode into the office like a victorious war general. "He didn't inject his kid on a whim."

"Then why did he?"

"Because we were at war," Tsunade continued. "And the injection would kill an adult. Minato could not allow it to fall into enemy hands."

"Why not destroy it then?" Sasuke argued.

Tsunade pursed her lips. "The answer to that, I'm afraid, is something Minato took with him to his grave. Now…shouldn't you be with Naruto?"

oOo

"Where were you?" Naruto glanced up from the bed at Sasuke as he stepped through the door. Sasuke arched an eyebrow.

"You're my parole officer now?"

"Always have been."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. He dropped into the other bed.

"Come on, tell me," Naruto wheedled. Sasuke ignored him as he plumped up a pillow.

"I'll cuff you to the bed."

Sasuke choked. When he turned around, Naruto was grinning. "Is that meant to be a threat or a reward?"

"Whichever you prefer," Naruto answered breezily.

Sasuke scoffed. "You could try."

"That a challenge?" Naruto's blue eyes glinted mischievously.

Sasuke turned around.

"Oof!"

Sasuke fell heavily into the bed, his face burying in the sheets. He could barely breathe as several pounds of blond idiot landed on him. He couldn't fight him off very well, not without risking Naruto's wound reopening. Sasuke managed to seize one of his wrists and turned them over.

_Clink_.

"What?" Sasuke pulled his arm back only to have his movement restricted. Naruto smirked. When he looked up, he noticed the silvery metal of a handcuff encircling his wrist, its other end tied around one of the bedposts.

"You—"

"I told you I'd cuff you to the bed." Naruto cackled. "And I still owe you for _leaving me to die by suffocation_!"

"You dead-last moron!" Sasuke snapped between stinging smacks from Naruto's pillow. "Untie me! Naruto!"

"You know, I don't think I will." Naruto slid off Sasuke's bed and climbed into his own. "Good night, Sasuke!"

"_Naruto!_"

oOo

"I heard your first meeting didn't go well."

"I apologize, Danzou-sama." Sai kneeled respectfully. "I am to meet with them tomorrow."

"Good. You understand your mission, don't you?" Danzou opened a book, flipping pages until he seemed to find what he was looking for.

"Yes, sir."

"Then you may go."

Silently, Sai disappeared.

Danzou examined a drawing on the page. The diagram showed two children: one, kneeling, snarled; the other, standing, had strange red eyes. Above the two of them was a scarlet circle. A black dot marked its center, a slender black circle surrounding it. Three comma-like marks branched away from the circle. Next to it there was only one word.

Sharingan.


End file.
